[jenniy122]

My dad physically abused me for most of my childhood. Emotionally he still does it to this day. At the moment due to the economy and my health I'm forced to live with him. If it was up to me I would have nothing to do with him, but he wants to be involved in my life as he thinks he did nothing wrong, and my mom requires me to be civil with him until I'm financially independent. Plus my therapist thinks that this relationship is the root of all my problems and wants me to heal it. But I can't even look at or hear him without thinking of the things he's done to me. I have nightmares every night. Just thinking about him makes me angry. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get over this. When my t mentions forgiveness I think he doesn't deserve my forgiveness after what he did. It's making me miserable 20 years later, but I don't know how to fix it.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Jen,
I think you need to get away from him at any cost. Social services may help if you contact
them. Or is there another relative you could talk to?
You MUST GET AWAY! You cannot possibly get
well if you are near him.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[HazelGirl]

You can't keep putting up with that, no matter what any other people say. You have to find a way to become financially independent ASAP and get away.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Jen, ABSOLUTELY agree with the above.........got to start making tracks/getting away from it!! Social Services/relatives/friends you could stay with?? Ways to become financially solvent??
But until you've sorted that "civil" can be as simple as "hello", "goodbye" and a few slight additions in between. And as much distance as you can manage as possible, hey? Both physically AND emotionally. I know the emotional abuse has really got to hurt, especially after the effect of what he has done before, but whatever he says is down to HIS problems. It's not about and says NOTHING about you or who you are. Just try not to take "ownership" of it or "take it on board". I know that that might sound impossible, but every little step in that direction you can take for now..........
As for forgiveness, I'd say that could be kind of idealized (?). Maybe for some but............
Unless a different interpretation could be "accepting"..........., "working through what has happened"........, moving on/away from..........., recognizing your actual value............ and making your life your own............. I know for some that might be idealised as well (!!), but just some thoughts.
But, yes, getting away from him has got to be a priority.
Alison