Imaginary Family

When I was a kid, I had imaginary parents. My real parents were neglectful and abusive, so I created parents in my head. I would daydream about having been adopted, and wondering if there was a mom and a dad who would really care out there looking for me. Although I knew that wasn't the case, I would imagine what they would be like, and how they would treat me. And I always wanted my own parents to treat me like that. So I would try to be as good as I could be and act like those parents would want me to act. But I was always making mistakes, and I couldn't make my own parents do what I imagined.

I would imagine that they found me and came and took me away. And that they would love me and pay attention to me, and would regret having given me up. I imagined that they would be upset about the people that I ended up with and they promised that they wouldn't ever have given me up if they had known. They thought they were doing something good for me, though, when they did.

I would imagine my conversations with them when I felt bored or lonely and didn't have anything to do. Or when something happened that I wanted to talk about, I would talk to them.

I didn't fully drop it as a fantasy until I was in college and had to get a copy of my birth certificate in order to get my drivers permit. I remember being a little scared of what it would say (since I know that adoptive birth certificates are different from non-adoptive ones), and yet knowing what it would say and trying not to let myself get too disappointed. I still remember being really disappointed that my fantasy was false.

I kind of wish I remembered more about them. I don't remember whether I had a mental picture of them or much about them. Once I knew for sure it wasn't real, I sort of killed them off (if that makes sense). They stopped existing because I couldn't pretend with that little shred of potential hope anymore. I guess by that time I didn't need them so much anymore, either.

I used to imagine that the Brady bunch was my family in fact got in trouble when the teacher asked for parents signature on report card and I signed mike and carol Brady. How dysfunctional was I?

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No more dysfunctional than me my T said it was a healthy coping mechanism when I was younger.

I havent told my t yet, since I am seeing this new t today, maybe I will tell her or not, NOT its too soon for any dysfunctional conversations lmao. I will give her a break lol. I am sure it will come up, I am also taking my little stuffed favorite animal Kermit to therapy. Hope she doesnt think I am bonkers but I plan to use him as humor.

Lol! I'm sure she's heard much crazier before

I have been in therapy for almost two years, and I just told my T about them yesterday. It was embarrassing to tell her, but I'm glad I did.

I have been debating bringing my teddy bear to therapy. I have had it since I was a little child, and it has "seen" all I have been through. I feel like it's a sort of witness to what I have gone through.

Same here. I wished and wished and prayed for my 'Real' parents to turn up and take me away from the nightmare that was my childhood...*sigh*..shame it wasn't to be.

Well, it makes me feel a little bit more normal to know that multiple people had the same experience.

HealingTimes, mine didn't either. I had to take my own life into my hands and rescue myself.

It's sad that I still wish for it now, I am 34 years old. I rescued myself but those emotional scars still run very deep.

me too i am in my forties, but somehow when i am in that therapy room i feel like a kid, i guess its a bit of a regression, i wonder sometimes if my t could tell if i act like a kid, i really hope not. i dont know how to stop that, and its annoying. i been reading i think its because of unhealthy attachment issues during infancy and childhood, but thats so technical it gets me so confused, like that inner child thing, that really throws me into a tailspin lol.

Me, too. I'm 22, and have physically rescued myself. I'm in therapy and all, but I do still wish for it. I think it's normal. In my conversation with my T, I came to the conclusion that although my imaginary parents were fake, they were real in some ways. They embodied the hope I had of things changing and they gave me love and care. In those ways they were real, at least to me. It would make sense that you and I still want them. Just because people turn 18, it doesn't mean they stop wanting or needing their parents.

I think my T can tell a whole lot more than I give her credit for. I try not to give some things away (such a feeling younger), but I think she still sees it. I know I can sense changes in how she responds to me as I can feel my inner world changing, so she is at least partially aware.

I didn't have imaginary parents per say but I'd always dream of people taking me away and loving me.

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I think that for those who have been abused, it's common.

I don't imagine a family but I have always imagined someone with me. Normally a famous person or something - someone I will never meet and know. And i just take them with me wherever I go. I have never told anyone that. But I do it when I am having a hard time and they witness my hard time. It's not like I talk to my imaginary friend - they just witness.

That is funny and sad at the same time. I have to say, I like your style.

So, I think you were right. Ultimately I believe our parents aren't our true parents. They are entrusted with our care on earth and held accountable for how they care and raise us, but I believe our true parent is the higher power / supreme being, and that is the parent you were dreaming of that loves
you so much. May angels surround you.

I had a similar thing as a child. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a child. They are the only good parents I've ever known. I used to imagine they were my real parents. I did end up going to live with them when I was 14, so in a sense my fantasy became true.

I always had this too. I would imagine different caring adults in my life, or sometimes famous people who I admired and respected, taking me away and taking care of me. Mostly teachers.

I wrote a story about this when I was twelve and gave it to that teacher. No idea what I was thinking. That effectively ended my relationship with her. I learned.

Thank you so much for your post...
I am 34 years old and, as crazy as it sounds, *still* hang on to that imaginary family... as I get older I realize that this might not be the healthiest coping strategy to cling to. Then I remember that my imagination SAVED MY LIFE for 18 years, and I can't let go of that...

As a child I used to imagine/plan on running away from home and my dysfunctional parents. I would imagine a nice, loving family would take me in and treat me as I deserved.