Inability to form emotional bonds towards others, and lack of interest to do so?

Mistrust of others or emotional numbness can be a common side-effect of having an abusive childhood, but I'm not entirely sure that's the whole story with me. If possible, I'd like to hear how others with abusive childhoods approach relationships.

A brief history...
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My mother was poisoned when she was pregnant, and the poisoning resulted in defects in my twin sister and I. My sister died as a baby from her defects, but I survived after a couple open heart surgeries. Because I was so ill, much of my infant years were spent in the hospital.

When I was 3 years old I began being sexually abused by a babysitter, and this lasted until I was 7 and my family moved. In the new town, I again experienced sexual abuse at the hands of a new babysitter, but after several months it stopped once they were almost caught by my parents. My family moved again, and when I was 11 years old my older sibling began abusing me when my parents would leave them in charge. By the time I was 12 this had escalated to rape, and I ran away for a brief time.

While all the abuse had gone on at home, my school life hadn't been much of an escape. Medications I had been on had stunted my growth, so I was considerably smaller than the other students my age (both male and female). As can be expected, this resulted in physical bullying. I would frequently come home with bruises from being tackled, pounded with rocks, or thrown around. One time my front teeth were cracked by being tripped on cement steps while my arms were held behind my back. Another time my collar bone was broken after being body slammed into a brick wall.

It was bad enough that once I entered high school I was switched to being homeschooled until the upper final grades, at which point I re-entered public school to finish off my education.
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Why I included those non-abuse related details is because I'm not sure that my social issues can all be chalked up to the abuse. Certainly it has had an impact, but is it the primary cause?

I can't help but think that despite having no memory of her, my twin suddenly disappearing had some effect. As did all the time I spent in the hospital as a baby, lacking human interaction. And then again once I was homeschooled, since my social skills never got a chance to grow due to being isolated.

For as long as I can recall I've never emotionally bonded with others - including family members. My very first friend was a boy my own age who lived a couple houses down from us. We were seemingly inseparable, so much so that our parents said we more resembled brothers than friends. But when a new boy moved in next door, and he had a Nintendo, I completely dropped that old friend of mine overnight. Neither his parents nor mine could understand how I was able to drop him like that, describing it as being like I flipped a switch and turned him off. Our friendship never really picked back up.

That's basically been the story for every relationship I've ever had since then. It wasn't until my late teen years when a friend of mine was killed in a car accident that I understood how I was able to turn people off like that. It was because I wasn't forming emotional bonds towards others. Without that bond, there were no sentimental feelings lingering around, no missing the person. They would literally just be gone from my life and mind and I'd continue on my way.

More than that though, there's not really an interest in others. It's not that I think I'm so much more interesting or anything like that... I just can't get myself to take an interest in other people's lives beyond mild curiosity. It literally makes no difference and has no impact on me if someone I know is experiencing success, heartbreak, or is going through a rough patch. On an intellectual level I may be interested, but it will do nothing for me on an emotional level.

Anyway... hopefully I've described it well enough. I'd really like to know if others who lived through abusive childhoods experience the same kind of thing in their relationships, or if what I'm describing would be a symptom of something else.

Youve described me pretty well. I didnt have the same kind of growing up as you did, but there was no one to really bond with. So i feel like i just dont get it. Like everybody else knows something i dont.

my son has aspurgers and it is impossible for him to think of others and how things fel and impact other people. There are a host of other issues that come along with this. But that is one of the things. There may be an issue similar to that.

I do not have aspurgers but I am very much like you. I was raised by an unkind, and unloving individual. I was a play pen baby. Where you give it a bottle every 4 hours, and don't give back toys that get thrown out of the play pen, "you know eventually they will learn not to do that" theory. So my life was started in kinda in a 4x4 square playpen and there I was. Then as time went on I do believe I suffered some sort of child abuse. I have had countless counselors ask me about it and I really recall nothing, well until here lately. Now I have flashbacks/dreams and odd pieces of things that make no since coming to me. Kinda weird. Turns out my mothers side of the family had a lot of incest in it, and I played with these boys who were quite a bit older then me from time to time who were cought up in a web of sexual issues them selves, and my uncle was a petafile (sorry that is spelled so bad spell check can't fix it, he liked little kids sexually) but no hard proof. I was bullied in school as well. Girl bullying type stuff. Then I was raped many many times by an older boyfriend.

I do not build bonds with people. I have no real "friends". everyone I associate with are acquaintances but far from friends. I have been married to my H for 20 years, well in June it will be 20, but I have very little or no bond with my H. (H is husband by the way)
I'm surrounded by family and I have many many issues going on but I would rather not tell real live people about them even family who might could help with some of the things I am going threw.

My T told me to look up adults with Reactive Personality Disorder. That is like kinda the affects being raised in an orphanage as a child and not given attention and the baby stops trying for attention. It is similar to what those adults may deal with after reaching adulthood. I am very much like that. I was not raised in conditions like that but I have some of the similar outcomes. As do others who suffered abuse at a young age. It was a saftey mechanism as a child that become ingrained in you and followed you into adulthood. Google Adults with Reactive Personality disorder and see what ya find.

Good luck.