Hey, I've been wandering round these forums for about an hour and I'm hoping someone could help me out. I've read a lot about how people have trouble being touched for example by boyfriends or husbands, and I went through the same thing almost 2 years ago.

I was abused when I was younger by several people. Of course I didnt know that what was happening to me was wrong back then, but when I turned 11 or 12 it suddenly clicked and Its always seemed to follow me. When I met my current boyfriend it took a long time of building up the level of touch and closeness to the point where we could hug and I dont think I could do it again. Especially not with a stranger, which is where I am now.

I recently had to go to the hospital.. and I've been told that I need to have a precedure done - a Flexible Cystoscopy because they cannot diagnose whats wrong with me. But it's just about the most invasive precedure anyone could have thought out. I've always had a fear of doctors, and of being touched, but I can't comprehend what will happen after this. I had the same feelings before going through a Gyn exam, and I came out of that totally broken. I can't describe the huge breakdown I had in the aftermath of something everyone kept telling me was "nothing to worry about". It took a long time to get past and even now the thought is as imprinted on my mind as the abuse all those years ago.

I'm sure someone out there will have had similar experience or feelings. I'm simply asking for some advice as to how I can prepare myself for this. Or any alternatives. I thought that perhaps a female doctor could help but It made no difference when the time came.

I know there is no cure for what's happened in the past, but there must be a point where things can be normal again. I don't want to sacrifice my health and well being, but at the same time I dont know if i could recover from something like this. I've already sworn never to set foot in a Gyn office again and the only thing stopping me from cancelling at the hospital is my boyfriend.

I'd be so thankful for any help or advice out there...

Sara x

Sara,
Can you talk to doc. about getting some relaxing drugs - during the procedure? I'm not talking about taking them on your own - just with the permission of your doc - you would need to have a driver because of the medication. Some times you can call and talk to the doctor's nurse before the procedure - explain the problem - that is an easier way of getting the message to the doc without talking to him directly. I couldn't tell if the gyn exam was in the hospital.... There are different female docs - the experience isn't all the same. If you find one that empathic and has a gentle sense of humor - real cloth gowns.... it is never easy but it does get better. Some women bring their best friends to the gyn exam and they get a humor thing going or just simply hand holding hels alot.
Unfortunately, I've had alot of experience in this area of being uncomfortable with docs. I have a female physician that I am comfortable with - and since I have stuck with her for about 8 years - it has become a comfortable situation. She has that laid back, tell me anything type of sense of humor. So if I needed relaxing meds to get me thru the exam she would do that too - again the driver afterwards.

I kinda got from your post that this problem was all very unexpected - that in itself makes it more invasive. So once you get the current situation under control - try finding the doc that can work around your fears to get you the medical care you need.They are out there.
I had 5 operations before I was 21 - if you want you can PM anytime.

Sincerely,
freewill

[Perna]

That's tough. Not an area where you can really tell someone and get them to come with you, etc. either. :-(

I think I would find a counselor I was comfortable with, could talk to and see them for a few weeks before and a month or two (at least) after. I know when I was in the hospital having my therapist to talk to and tell my fears and the horrors of what happened to before and afterwards (I'd never been "sick" or in the hospital, didn't have a doctor, etc.) turned out to be a life saver. But having someone else you know you'll be talking to that you can "focus" on to tell your experiences to really helped me. When things get bad you can think, "I wonder what so-and-so will say about this!" and similar things. Sharing with another is what has helped me the most in situations like yours, that and like freewill says, getting medical people you like around you and can communicate with and who understand your particular problems and don't judge.

[wisewoman]

Hi, the procedure you are discussing has usually been done for my son under medication, can't remember the name but he basically can't remember the procedure after. Please tell your doc that you need sedation and arrange for a ride.

[Perna]

I would learn as much as I could about the procedure:

http://www.hollywoodurology.com/flexicysto.html

and get as comfortable as I could about the "idea" of it?