[BrokenGlass]

Hello all,
I'm a not so typical 16 year old girl. I've been battling with depression my whole life. Soo I guess I should make a basic outline of my history to help everyone out.
Ages 3-8
Everyday for five years I was raped, molested, and mentally destroyed. My father paid his brother to do so, and my uncles wife would "supervise". He would "play horsey" with my to make me happy and then make my "sit on his lap". He would take the back roads home and make my lay across his lap. He would take me to my grandfathers grave (who I was very close with) on Sundays after church and do things right on it, as if to spit in his face. He would come in at night and I would pretend I was sleeping to make myself believe it was just a dream. He would take me to the basement and would have me lay on a type of table.
He did a multitude of things.... I apologize if I stepped over boundaries by listing those things...ever sense then I refuse to look in mirrors because his face is looking back at me...
During the same time period my father was kidnapped my brothers (their mom and my father were divorced and she has full custody) made them have sex together, made them touch him, and make videos. He also raped other women and their children. Put cameras in women's bathrooms, toilets, rooms and closets (he was an electrician). He had 4 computers full of kiddy porn including videos and pictures (that he made himself) that he shared all over the internet, and... He was a meth addict. I have very few memories of him and the biggest one is him slapping me across the face with a belt and making me eat everything off the floor.
2 years ago my step fathers best friend kissed me and attempted to kidnap me and do far worse
1 year ago a boy at school was forceful and tried to make me have sex with him in a classroom (after school)
Almost 3 years ago my uncle (who was everything to me) passed away in a terrible way..
And my grandfather who is also a huge part of my life, is also dying

I've been diagnosed with PTSD and severe Depression...
I struggle with SI... But I haven't for a good few months with the help of my boyfriend

Oooh boy.. That was terribly long.. Well like I said that's the basics. I just hit the surface with that and I hope it'll help people get a connection to me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[blueredgrey]

Dear BrokenGlass,

I am so sorry for all that you've gone through It sounds horrible and very traumatic. Your family sounds really, really dysfunctional and abusive.

Are you currently going to a school?? If yes, please do get in touch with your school counsellor, if you have one. Who is your caregiver now? Are they taking you to a therapist? If not, you should see one. CSA cannot be dealt with alone, it certainly needs professional help.

If you don't have any caregiver to help you, please reach out to your country's Child abuse helpline and they'd be able to help you by providing a safe place and counseling.

We're here to help you in any way we can.
good luck!

[BrokenGlass]

I'm in highschool but refuse any school counseling as I've had too many bad experiences. I live with my mom and step dad. I start my first time on anti-depressants tomorrow and we are looking for a therapist currently. Thank you for caring and being supportive

Hanging in there

[Lacy Rose]

Therapy can be a wonderful life changing help. It's incredibly emotionally painful at times because you have to relive the hell you endured in order to get to a healing point. You can do it! You aren't alone! Many of us have been through much the same trauma. You have been through enough, please don't cut and hurt yourself anymore. You are deserving of love, please love yourself and take care of yourself!