When I was 8-9 years old, an older kid in my neighborhood tried to do something to me. At the time, I didn't know what he meant to do, but it felt good, I did not make an attempt to shake him off, but my mother walked in, he stopped and walked away.

I think it struck me 8 or 9 years later that he was trying to.... you know.... It made me sick to my stomach, I hate myself for not pushing him away, or screaming. For a long time, my memories of it, were 'pleasant', I'm disgusted with my younger self. Now that I look back, at the age of 23, I have a different opinion.

Now I realize I was too young, and I was confused too. It was a new sensation I had never experienced before. The situation could have gotten a lot worse had my mom not walked in, now that I remember. The person that tried to do whatever he wanted to do to me, I hope he's changed now, and probably has.

Every time I think about sex, I remember that day... It's something I can't seem to shake off, it doesn't 'stop' me nor does it affect me in anyway, anymore, but I remember it almost every day.

[TheTurtleLives]

brokenentity,

I am so sorry you have to have this memory, I would say most certainly you were too young to understand, Which makes it even more worse!!

I hope your alright, I really don't know what to suggest but for one I would suggest getting yourself a good Therapist, someone who helps and listens! You always have us here for you though...

Thanks for the reply TheTurtleLives, It doesn't traumatize me to the point where it stops me from functioning, but I will consider seeking help if it gets worse. What's scarier is the fact that he was 'my friend', and even after the incident, we got along just fine, like normal friends. You'd the think the guilt would have made him keep his distance from me, but it did not.

It's something I remember everyday, every time I have a sexual thought, I still hate myself for not pushing this person away or screaming. I don't know if it qualifies as abuse or not, but it was certainly 'wrong'.

I don't like talking about it too much, because some people think it shaped my sexuality or something like that. I don't think that is true.

[IrisBloom]

Hi broken. It sounds like children discovering sex to me. Most likely innocent on both of your parts. You probably need to talk to someone about to explore your feelings about it. In my opinion, it is nothing for you to feel guilt or shame over. Kids do things that horrify adults all the time. (I know I did! ) I would think if it was that bad, you would have had real problems before now.

[nicoleflynn]

I think it would be a good idea to get help now and not wait until it gets worse.