 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Oct 01, 2014, 09:19 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I am not so sure I believe this statement. My life has slowly started crumbling under my feet..... I had an emergency appointment with my T today, she knows I am in crisis when I ask for one...
My whole life I have been able to shut off emotion, I guess they call it dissociation or depersonalization, I called it going to sleep and a main voice feeling me in on the non emotional highlights, so I could function and move on..... Well He is gone.... were not sure if the last surgery, the small stroke, or my coping system just decided it was time for him to go... but I suck at coping! I spent all day sunday with my horses.. that normally makes me happy, I tried my morning mindfulness and meditation, that failed... I went into sheer panick attack and then was flooded with all sorts of memories, that for a brief moment I realized happened to me... I can't deal with this, I can't handle it, but I have to find a way to do it. I am a survivor, I will find a way, but I am just saying... therapy HURTS! it just does, I spent 40 some odd years hiding from this and it just hurts... now I go home in 1 1/2 weeks for a visit and I have to hold it all together, so I can be the "perfect daughter" Pefect Sister" that everyone expects me to be... How the hell am I suppose to hold it together! I don't want to be flooded with the memories and flashback, it just hurts... it hurts so bad, I just want to not be any longer.... I think it might have been feeling better to feel like I was rotting inside, then to find out what there was that I am rotting from.. I am overusing my meds... I am not eating, but I am loosing weight.. yay me , I wish the doc hadn't prescribed me so much, I like it too much, it helps me cope... I am going to hate it when the withdrawals happen... but right now it is what it is Is the operation a success if it kills the patient??? cuz at this point that is how I feel.... I'm not sure I can make it now that the flood gates are open.....
__________________
Lindsey “Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger” - Sarah Evans Wise words I am trying to learn to live by and will slowly learn to believe as I heal...... “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli Last edited by Lady Lindsey; Oct 01, 2014 at 09:32 PM. Reason: added paragraph |
 Bluegrey, bluekoi, geez, SeekerOfLife, theinvisigoth
|
|
#2
Oct 01, 2014, 10:33 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Lady Lindsey, I understand how you feel. This may sound horrible; but when my father died, I knew he could no longer hurt me. Now is the time to talk with your doctor and tell him what you are experiencing. You may need different meds/dosage. Is it essential that you return home?
 
|
|
#3
Oct 02, 2014, 04:41 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((Lindsey)))
|
|
#4
Oct 02, 2014, 03:03 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
(((Lady Lindsey)))
Bluegrey |
|
#5
Oct 04, 2014, 07:20 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Let us know how things are when you get back from your trip.
|
|
#6
Oct 04, 2014, 11:08 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I dont go home for another week
My T is just helping me to try and cope. Things are a little better because I can dissociate and right now I am just numb. I just am in survival mode. Thats all I can do. I have to function at work I have veen trying really hard to eat something everyday. Today I had a protein drink and some vitamins. I will try and eat a little more tomorrow I am keeping the pills under better control. I wish I didnt like the numb feeling they give me. Still taking more than I should but not as many as I was Just need to make it through my trip home and I can manage. I can do this
__________________
Lindsey “Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger” - Sarah Evans Wise words I am trying to learn to live by and will slowly learn to believe as I heal...... “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli |
| Bluegrey, bluekoi
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
