I have searched the internet and these forums to see if I can find any connections to something I have noticed in myself for many years. I am not sure whether to put this here or in PTSD, so I figure I will just do both.

In order to understand that strangeness of the question, I need to give a little readers digest version of where I am currently at:
I AM seeing a therapist now as I have always had an extreme fear of many things including people to the point of my entire life being planned around how to keep people happy. There are to many crazy things to get into them but we have determined that I show almost all signs of PTSD from childhood. He asked me about sexual abuse and I have absolutely no memory of anything and look at my family and say there is no way (I can't imagine my mother not noticing changes in me if it were). I know why he asked and many things have made me wonder myself since I was a young adult. I DO know that there was emotional abuse and neglect and it is completely possible that everything I deal with is from there.
Here is where it seems strange and I can't find anything to show if this is a sign of something or just that I have a more disgusting mind then I feel like I have. It is hard to even put what happens down here even knowing that nobody has a clue who I am, it is just embarrassing that I am this way! Ok, here goes because I have to know if this is another sign I really need to look at and bring up or if it is just me.
................ I notice when I watch tv and especially some of the crime shows that when it comes to sexual attacks on both adults and children I don't have a middle ground response as I do when it comes to just attacks. I am not sure that makes sense. I am a multi-tasker and will often do other things when watching tv. I always have, but never really paid attention to it until now.... noticed that when a seen of a rape comes on I either react by really stopping to pay attention to it or having to turn it off because I can't watch it. Strangely and horrifically to me, I seem to have the strongest reaction to both needing to see it when they are depicting kids being attacked. I have always been a child 'rescueer' for a lack of a better way to put it. I have always had to work in a field or found outside ways to 'save the children'. I had always assumed it was because of the emotional abuse, but how do other people react to tv and movie scenes? Is this a sign of something I need to consider more or is there something even more disturbing in my mind then what is already swimming up there.

I can't believe I put this out there, but I don't know how else to see if there are any other people out there that share this reaction. I hope to **** that I am not the only one because it does feel like it.

Thanks guys and sorry for the long post.

[Travelinglady]

I have to be careful what I watch, too. I was emotionally abused as a child. So, I understand. I don't think our reactions are unusual. We have to be our own parents and protect ourselves from such emotional upset.

[*PeaceLily*]

I totally get you.I'm the same. I am veering towards not being able to watch it at all now, but I still can find myself kind of transfixed especially to sexual assaults/rapes, and yet I have no known experience of sexual abuse as a child.However, I have had dubious degrading sexual experiences as an adult, and yet I had a strong response to sexual violence prior to those experiences, although it did get more extreme once I had those experiences.

Any movies/tv show which highlight the issue of paedophilia really makes me go zoned out and weird and I watch it in a really odd way, almost like I feel realy moved by it and yet at the same tinme feel nothing at all.I feel a bit like nothing on earth could distract me from what I'm watching, and I feel less in my own body if that makes sense. I can't explain it.