[substancelessblue]

I don't know if this was a situation worthy of discussion. I don't even know how to define it in my own head.

On my 18th birthday I was extremely drunk in a club and was making out with a much older guy. He wasn't treating me very well but I had lost control. He fingered me really roughly but I didn't know how to stop it and was barely even present in the moment. It hurt a lot and I bled lots too. I got away from him (there were people around) and I was crying and went to the bathroom where my friends tried to figure out what had happened. A woman in the bathroom tried to help and asked if she should call the police. I said no. I have never thought of this as assault but it's always bothered me, I feel guilty but feel like I never said no. I feel like I half wanted it to happen.

Should I bring it up with my therapist? I don't know how to phrase it. I don't even know what happened. Only last session I disclosed my binge drinking and reckless behaviour but I didn't tell her about that time. I don't want to give it more attention than it deserves. It could just be a silly intoxicated teenage encounter.

[nicoleflynn]

Yes, you should bring that up to your t; that was a traumatic event. It wasnt silly; he assaulted you.

[ThisWayOut]

I think it would be good to bring up with your t. It's clearly bothering you, and that's what therapy is for: dealing with things in life that bother you.
On the note of whether it was assault, I would say yes because you were not in a position to consent to anything. Making out with someone is not implied consent for anything else. The guy was an asshole. I'm sorry you experienced that. ♡