[lone_77]

My cousin was one of the sexual abusers in my life, and it happened when I was very young. As we grew up, we stopped playing as he got meaner and sometimes violent, and I haven't seen him in probably 6-7 years. But my parents just announced that we are going to visit him and my aunt tomorrow. Immediately I felt like I was going to panic. They don't know exactly what happened.
Back when I was 5, I tried to tell my mom about what was going on and that I was scared of him, but she brushed it off and said that I didn't say 'no' like I should have. So it continued. When she discovered us in my bedroom I was punished, and she let me go back over to his house the next week. Later, when I tried to tell my third grade teacher that my cousin tried to drown me in the neighborhood pool, she worriedly called my parents, and my mom then yelled at me so accusingly that eventually I got so scared and said that I lied. So I can't make them understand how I feel.
These memories didn't resurface until this past year when another trauma occurred, and I haven't talked to my parents about either one. Even the smallest of my feelings are brushed off or discounted. I can't imagine how they would even begin to care about this, especially because of my dad's beliefs (strict islamic). I'm seeing a T, but since I'm a minor, I'm afraid to tell her about this because she might have to report it to my parents. The law in my state is that she has to report if I'm 'still in danger,' and seeing my cousin would classify as just that. I can't email her anyway, because I see her through my school and my parents do not know that we meet. So if I was to try and contact her outside of school it would be illegal.
I'm so panicked about tomorrow. I'm shaking just thinking about it. And I don't know what to do. I'm considering faking sick so I can stay home in bed. I feel trapped. I can't talk about it to anyone right now, and I'm unsure if I can even tell my T about it in the next session. My anxiety levels are through the roof..I wish I could just disappear for 24 hours.

Hello lone_77: I'm so sorry you have been put in this situation. I wish there was some slick way of getting out of this I could suggest. Actually, if feigning illness will work for you, perhaps it's not a bad plan. You've been put in an extremely difficult position by people who should be protecting you. You have to use whatever techniques are available to you to keep yourself safe. I wish you all the best...

[Bluegrey]

((Lone_77))

I'm trying to think of practical things that might help - here are some ideas, but please ignore them if they aren't useful or practical for you.

Feigning illness doesn't sound a bad idea, if you could do it successfully, but think it through carefully so you aren't caught out by any awkward questions.

If you end up going, is it possible for you to stay in the same room as your parents/any safe adult? This way, at least you can reassure yourself that nothing more can happen. You might be able to avoid your cousin by doing this, at least some of the time.

I'm sure you know ways of trying to keep yourself calm - I find breathing exercises helpful, but there are lots of other ways, you can find out about them elsewhere on this site.

Although your parents haven't shown any sympathy so far, it is still possible that they do care very much about your feelings, but don't show it for some reason. I'm not saying you should try and talk to them, just be prepared to notice anything positive (I'm sure you would anyway). It might help you to feel a bit more secure, perhaps.

Coping with the fear of seeing your cousin again must be really hard - you are very brave to write about it all on here. It may be that having done this has taken the edge off it, but even if not at least you know that there are people who are on your side and thinking of you. Please let us know how you are doing, before and after, if you can.


Bluegrey

[nicoleflynn]

How about telling the truth? I wouldn't go. Why put yourself in that position?

If you feel you HAVE to go, I would say you are sick. That wouldn't be a lie

[unaluna]

I agree with nicole. Talk to your mother as much as possible. Find out what this visit is about all of a sudden. I would be worried this is a pre-engagement meeting. Try to be as calm as possible. Let her know you have plans to take care of yourself in the future as a single doctor - whatever it takes!

[lone_77]

I didn't talk to my mom, although I probably should have...she wouldn't have understood anyway. I made myself sick (so my parents could see) and stayed home. I actually didn't really have to try that hard, since I was already feeling nauseous from the thought of seeing him. He was in town from college so my family wanted to 'pay a visit.' Funny, considering his history with their daughter. I probably shouldn't have faked anything or lied, but I did what I had to do and I was really panicked. Thank you for all the support- sometimes PC is all I have in my times of deepest need.

[Lemon Curd]

I would have done the same.
Good for you.
Protect yourself.
Always.
*big warm friendship hug*