[no7222401]

Today is day 5 of me leaving my abusive husband.

It never even occurred to me, until today that i'm a victim. That kind hurts my heart to think that I let this happen to me. I hate myself so much for that.

Today my parents are flying home, and I get to be with them. They thankfully don't have internet so i'm just going to spend most of my time making my mind up on what to do. I'm trying to be strong and to just clear my mind and make the right decision. I want to be happy and I have never realized before that it's on ME to do that. I am in control of my happiness. I don't know why I thought that I needed him to be happy?

My husband seems to think that he can fix himself in that time (I highly doubt that he can do that in a month), he has been reading books on abuse and says he will see a therapist (whether he will, I don't know) but I just feel terribly guilty because even if he is doing the things he says he is, and he is getting better, I don't even know if I want to be with him at all. Good or bad. It makes me feel like an absolute terrible person for thinking and feeling this.

[catastrophic]

You may be a victim of abuse now... But you will be a survivor the longer you stay away...

You are not a terrible person for thinking like that - what you husband is doing is called emotionally abuse - he knows you have left so he is going to say all the right things to win you back - it won't last - his abusive ways WILL come back out again. Always remember that

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[Frankbtl]

Hi no7222401, first of all really well done on getting away from your husband. And well done on recognizing the situation was abusive!!!
It really wasn't just a matter of letting it happen to you, if you find yourself in the middle of an abusive situation you're not always going to see it for what it is. You can find yourself feeling that the abuse is your fault, something you've done/not done, something you deserve, that the person can't help it, that things will get better if only...........and it can become your only reality...........sometimes you can even "normalise" it in a way.
So please don't hate yourself for what you went through. You deserve to be giving yourself compassion, so much compassion. And credit for the real strength it must have taken to breakthrough to the reality that it was abusive, you didn't deserve any of it.
But the trying to be strong bit............really admire you on that, but if you're feeling hurt, pain.........that would be completely understandable too, so don't feel bad about letting that out, expressing it and getting support for the way you're feeling. You have been through a lot.
And you know, not only do you definitely NOT need him to be happy, your happiness doesn't need to completely depend on anyone. You're right, it's about putting yourself first now, you deserve that.

And your husband.............well you could see it as whatever he does now, doesn't change the past??? And it's taken everything that's gone on, everything this has come to for him to really recognise what he was doing, and make the move into even trying to changing things.

I honestly don't want to be telling you what to do only you can make that decision, but you know what he's put you through, how far you've come, the real chance that plenty of abusers return to that, that plenty of people would say "don't go back, whatever!!!" based on their experience. Just please, please, please don't feel that you "should", need to give him another chance. YOU first now, right???!!!!
And believe me, you are in NO WAY a terrible person for not wanting to be with him, whatever he says, whatever he's doing.
And if you want to talk more............



Alison