[stressed_again]

Mom is my current issue. All four of my sisters have cut off contact with her and now she's in her 70s. She expects me to visit her at least once a week but prefers more. She'll call when something needs fixed or she can't remember how to work it and expects me to run right over. I usually do unless I'm not up to dealing with her, sick or have previous commitments. So my in laws came from overseas for a visit and mom got jealous. The other night I went to see her after my in laws left and my mom calls my niece, her favorite grandchild, whom she hasn't heard from in three years or so. She tells her she wants to change her will and instead of leaving me the house, she wants to give it to her with enough money to cover taxes for a year or two. She thinks this is going to hurt me but I honestly don't care. The house is beyond a fixer upper and I don't want it. Then she tells her not to worry about anything as I will clean out the house for her. Hmmmm, didn't know my services were willable and mom is about two steps short of hoarder. Not gonna happen. Then she brings up something that has been a very sore point for me and starts rehashing that with her. The issue was total bs in the first place and neither of their business in the second place. So I signal I'm leaving as I don't feel well and I go. She calls me later just to say she loves me. Wow..not even passive/aggressive this time. Then I emailed her and told her that her dragging that old issue out was not okay with me. She tells me it's just old bs so stop worrying about it. I email back saying if it's such old bs, why did you feel the need to rehash it? So now I'm thinking the next time she needs a light fixture replaced, the walls or cabinets replaced or wants a spring cleaning, I should tell her my husband, boys and I are over committed for a while so could she ask one if the other kids/grandkids this time. I failed to mention this woman abused the three oldest of us horribly both physically and emotionally. Think my blowing her off would make any impression at all? Have any better suggestions?

[Josieanna]

Sometimes parents can be challenging. I have little or no advice to offer. My mum is demanding of my time. I have three older siblings and two younger siblings. My dad died almost 13 years ago. I would like to say that we all spend time with Mum but it falls to me. My siblings are all married and now I'm a single parent. I work full time and I'm struggling with PTSD and my current flashbacks are horrible. My mum takes advantage of this. She never asks how I am or what my current issues are...she's too busy telling me how her job is. I'm there to make her feel better. My children want a holiday without her coming along (they love her but I'm a different person when I'm around her and they prefer me to be myself) She openly admits she's lonely and not one of my siblings will put up with her behaviours (she can be really rude) but I keep putting up with it because I do love her...even though at his minute in time I feel she's let me down. I feel your pain. I wish I had a simple solution to give you. I've tried telling her how she makes me feel but it was like water off a ducks back.

[Purple Heart]

There's a great book you might like to read that I read several years ago. It is called 'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward. Dealing with toxic parents is about developing boundaries to determine how much contact you will have to preserve your sanity!

[Olemaid]

I will pass on the advise I gave to my step kids when their Mom was hurting them. It is okay to love her. She is your Mother. It is not okay to let her take over your life. It is not okay to let her make you miserable. Stay away from her for awhile. Let things calm down then gradually let her back in your life. It might take time but it will eventually happen. You are no good to others if you are miserable yourself.