I can't deal with ANYONE touching me. Not my hand, not hugging me, not poking me, not brushing past me. It makes me feel so sick and limp and lifeless, like I used to. I was sexually abused growing up, my first memory of it being at the age of 3, and it was very touch-centred.

Now I can't ever imagine myself being touched by another human. Not having a boyfriend or a husband (have absolutely no desire for sex at all now), a baby, holding a childs hand, hugging a friend... I just can't. It makes me feel isolated from everyone because this is my way of trying to protect myself, but someone always accidentally touches me. When they do i feel like i can't breathe or i'm going to cry, scream or be sick.

Is anyone else like this?

[glok]

Hello, 8888an8888. I imagine there are others. Do you intend to live the rest of you life this way?

I would never choose this, its just chosen me and i don't want to live my life like this but at the same time i do because its safer.

[because06]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

I would never choose this, its just chosen me and i don't want to live my life like this but at the same time i do because its safer.

I definitely can relate to your post. I hope that in the future you can find a good psychotherapist that will help you process some of your fears regarding touch. There will always be touch triggers, but I hope that in the future someone is able to help you feel a safe/gentle/loving/respectful touch.

Please take care...and breathe!

[Kiya]

yeah I can stand a little bit with people i know well. But they also know if I'm in "the space", if they get too close I will bite. Not joking. Only certain touch is semi safe for me. I only let my mom kiss my forehead if i can't get out of it. I sometimes let her hug me, but I don't ever hug her back because I am in the fetal position, protecting myself. It upsets her, but she was one of my abusers, so I'm not going to allow that if I can't protect myself. I do not like random people coming up and touching me, even if I sort of know them. Sometimes also my skin hurts too badly for any touch - even clothes. THe panics and the pain are hard. The flashbacks and the memories. Do what you can to make boundaries and take care of you!

[little_bear]

You need a Teddy Bear🐻

[too SHy]

No, Cant think how horrific it must feel for you

[ThisWayOut]

I go through phases of that, and it's excruciating. I can only imagine how awful it must be to have that all the time. Would that be something you could work on with your t? I've found that as I process the sexual abuse stuff, it gets worse at times, but it's overall getting better... hope you can get to a safe place with touch.

[daisychain23]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I go through phases of that, and it's excruciating. I can only imagine how awful it must be to have that all the time. Would that be something you could work on with your t? I've found that as I process the sexual abuse stuff, it gets worse at times, but it's overall getting better... hope you can get to a safe place with touch.

me too, I hope it will go away soon.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I feel this way sometimes. Part of me wishes so badly to be touched and yet I don't trust that. I have been getting therapeutic massages and I am still trying to find a massage clinic where I feel comfortable. That has to be an emotionally safe place or there is NO WAY i can let someone close, even for that. Massage was suggested to me by therapists and by my mentor, for me to learn how to trust humans physically again. To trust nonabusive touch.

It is something else when people abuse that need to be close by abusing us. Then we can't trust someone to touch us safely. All touch then becomes so scary and invasive. We associate that need with a fear of being violated or hurt again. IMHO.

Carol

[ombrétwilight]

I don't have a phobia of being touched but I intensely dislike being touched, especially by my mother who was physically and emotionally abusive. If I could describe it, I would say that it makes all my flesh creep. I suggest seeking out a good therapist because it can really help! I do believe that in time with professional guidance, you will be able to lead a normal and fruitful life.

[striped_unicorn]

For as long as I can remember I have only been able to tolerate touch from certain people

Some I crave, some I tolerate and some sets my teeth on edge

The ones I crave are my kids and my mom

I tolerate the ones from good friends

I cannot stand my husband to touch me, strangers, or the people I have deemed as 'fake'

I too can't bear to be touched. I feel completely overwhelmed when someone even appears to want to touch me. My friends know not to hug me and laugh at me by saying I'm just not a touchy feely person. It does hurt me, but I too need to feel safe. I even stand with one foot in front of the other when I stand in a queue, just so I can rock backwards slightly to make sure people behind me don't get to close to me. My T also suggested I went for a massage. Just the thought makes me feel physically sick. Oh yes, I can definitely identify with this!!!

I can relate to this and no one around me understand and still touches me even when I have my outburst they still do it !!