[*PeaceLily*]

Hi,

My brother is 7 years older than me. When I was a kid, we would have games that were his idea. He was still playing these games when he was like 18/ 19 years old. They were initiated by him. It would be play fighting,but I remember things like his head/face being between my legs, and him pushing between my legs with his foot.

I remember being bounced up and down on his lap .My uncle would do a similar thing to me and I remember asking my uncle what what in his pocket...but that may have been innocuous and maybe there was something in his pocket.I just remember asking that question on several occasions to him while I was on his lap, and he would tell me it was his wallet, and I would say it was sticking into me.I now think it was possibly an erection. I would be right on their lap as opposed to just on their knee. I would sit on his lap, and be bounced up and down. The bouncing was pretty intense. my brother would say the game was to see how long it'd be until I fell off. The games would be initiated by him. I wouldnt initiate sitting on their laps or any play fighting.

Im pretty certain my dad alsp played the 'bouncing' game, and he also used to lie my head on his lap, and stroke my hair, and i remember thinking at the time that i was literally on his penis.He had his trousers on though. i dont know if any of this is normal.

I would also be tickled by my brother on my stomach.The tickling would go really low down, and my tshirt was pulled up so my stomach was bare.

When I was about 14 years old, my uncle stopped visiting us, and we never saw him again. I have always had a soft spot for my brother and uncle, and I find it hard to say anything negative about them. I felt I had a special relationship with both of them.

My therapist thinks I may have been abused. I am not sure. I didnt bring it up in therapy. she was asking questions, and it came up.I had never really questioned it before.i seemed to go a bit funny when I talked about this stuff. I felt similar way to how I feel when I have sex or how I feel if there's a tv show on which is about kids being sexually abused- I go all cold and detached. I barely remember anything. What do you make of just what I've said?

[bluekoi]

*PeaceLily*, In my opinion this is sexual abuse. I all instances an adult took advantage of your innocence. Hopefully they went no further than what you have described. Please talk openly with your therapist. My thoughts are with you.

[*PeaceLily*]

Thanks for replying. Wow. I am very shocked by that to be honest.I had never thought about it that way before. I knew there had been emotional and physical abuse, but I didn't think any other form or abuse may have occurred until my therapist started asking me some questions, and I mentioned the stuff that I have written here to her :-/

[mimsies]

I agree that it is sexual abuse. That he started at as early an age as he did, make me wonder if he was also abused sexually.

[lifetimemeds]

It is abuse if you felt it was at the time. I don't think it does any good to go back and pin labels on past experiences if the didn't feel that way at the time. I have spent decades in therapy over childhood sexual abuse. But I would certainly not go hunting for more events in my life to add more abuse.

If the interactions back then were not perceived as a negative experiences to you, why make it so now. As adults we have more knowledge about sexuality and the world in general. When we apply adult perceptions to childhood memories, we can transform benign experiences into horrendous abuse in our minds. Don't go there. Many therapists in previous decades have created false memories labeled as repressed memories. If your therapist is on a fishing expedition to find abuse in your past, you will spend many, many hours discussing childhood events and molding them into abuse. Be careful when you go fishing with your therapist. You may suddenly find abuse in every aspect of your life.

I have been through that and it totally ruins every nice, fond memory you have of your childhood. Every holiday you spend with family becomes torture to you. Even a "nice to see you" hug makes you feel squirrelly. A look or glance becomes suspect and before you know it, you can't stand to spend time with family with visions of abuse in every action.

[*PeaceLily*]

I don't have any honestly nice memories from my childhood, so it's not going to ruin anything that hasn't already been ruined if that makes sense.

I remember that my brother used to bend me over his knee and spank me with his hand or hairbrush until my bum went completely numb and I couldnt take anymore. The tickling he did was also right under my boobs and below my pelvis.

I din't remember most of it. Maybe it was ok, but there was something not quite right about it all at the time, and there is something not quite right about it now.

[lifetimemeds]

Then work through it with your therapist. You certainly describe physical abuse. Where was your mother? Why was it your brother's responsibility to apply discipline? Or was that just something he did to hurt you for no reason?

[*PeaceLily*]

Originally Posted by lifetimemeds

Then work through it with your therapist. You certainly describe physical abuse. Where was your mother? Why was it your brother's responsibility to apply discipline? Or was that just something he did to hurt you for no reason?

It's hard to explain but it wasn't meant to be physical abuse. It wasn't for discipline. It wasn't a punishment, I hadnt done anything wrong.He said it was a game, so he would tell me to lie across his lap to play it.. I remember enjoying it in some weird way though I was hit very hard and it hurtt. Basially it would go on as long as I could take it. I don't remember it feeling like physical abuse at the time. it was definately a 'game'. My brothr must've been at least 17 or older.

Where was my mother? I have asked that question a lot in general. I remember being a teenager and I was sitting on my uncles lap, and she pulled me to the side, and told me I was too old to sit on his lap, and not to sit on his lap again. My dad used to joke that my uncles van was a 'paedo van.' My mother wasnt around in general. She didn't tell him to do this stuff. We would always play in my bedroom.

[Ididitmyway]

I will join others in saying yes it was abuse because it was. It was done in such way that it was confusing for you as a child to "get it", to understand that something was wrong, but it sounds like some part of you knew something was wrong or else you wouldn't be talking about it now. If you are in therapy now, it's a good opportunity to work on it. I don't think forum would replace an in-depth exploration of this delicate issue in a private setting.

My T told me that abuse is unwanted touch