Verbal Abuse

Questions/No Answer · Nov 28, 2014 at 01:33 PM

In a 4 yr relationship, new my husband for 3 years prior, as it says everywhere he was never like this before we got married, now it is yelling/raising his voice when i say something he doesn't like, cursing at me when things dont go his way or he has to do something off his routine. We have two young children, how can I approach this, because I feel as though I walk on eggshells daily? I suggested therapy but he said he rather get a divorce. I am beside myself daily. Any suggestions welcome.

SeekerOfLife · Nov 28, 2014 at 06:35 PM

If you plan to stay in the relationship, you can go to therapy alone.

thickntired · Nov 28, 2014 at 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Questions/No Answer

In a 4 yr relationship, new my husband for 3 years prior, as it says everywhere he was never like this before we got married, now it is yelling/raising his voice when i say something he doesn't like, cursing at me when things dont go his way or he has to do something off his routine. We have two young children, how can I approach this, because I feel as though I walk on eggshells daily? I suggested therapy but he said he rather get a divorce. I am beside myself daily. Any suggestions welcome.

Hi,

This is what happened to me as well and it was sooo confusing. My therapist kept telling me to leave him because it was complete emotional abuse. After seven years of marriage he just got more and more angry. There was absolutely nothing I could do that was right, and I was exhausted of bending over backwards and walking on egg shells. This link below really opened my eyes because I didn't think it was abuse. It finally escalated into one physical altercation, and now I am getting a divorce asap. My life was a living hell. He controlled me, and I felt financially there was no other option but to stay. He was so sweet and courteous around all of my family that they thought he was a great guy. My husband is 11 years older, and set in his ways. I believe that most men don't change this behavior at any age. I hope you will find the strength to leave.

The longer I stayed the worst it got and the more I felt there was no way out.

The Duluth Model - Wheel Gallery

healingme4me · Nov 28, 2014 at 10:51 PM

If he's unwilling to work on the marriage, why raise children in a hostile environment?

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Alpha03 · Nov 30, 2014 at 05:27 AM

If I was you, I would tell him to stop doing what he is doing, its not right, no fair, why should you put up with it? You also have two young children, tell him its not healthy when he's doing this when you have children too.

jan16th · Dec 04, 2014 at 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Questions/No Answer

In a 4 yr relationship, new my husband for 3 years prior, as it says everywhere he was never like this before we got married, now it is yelling/raising his voice when i say something he doesn't like, cursing at me when things dont go his way or he has to do something off his routine. We have two young children, how can I approach this, because I feel as though I walk on eggshells daily? I suggested therapy but he said he rather get a divorce. I am beside myself daily. Any suggestions welcome.

Head on over to the library or book store for techniques to counter verbal abuse and you will see how small minded your husband really is. Never have him see you reading this book as he will sabotage your efforts. Role play with friends to get accustomed to hearing your voice saying things you as of now would never say. Practice in front of a mirror. It all sounds silly now, but after reading, studying him, and practicing, you will become empowered. Maybe a counselor at a battered womens shelter can role play with you and give you tips. I'm sorry if this all sounds jumbled, but I really want to help. Nobody should live the way you are now. Good Luck!!

jan16th · May 29, 2015 at 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jan16th

Head on over to the library or book store for techniques to counter verbal abuse and you will see how small minded your husband really is. Never have him see you reading this book as he will sabotage your efforts. Role play with friends to get accustomed to hearing your voice saying things you as of now would never say. Practice in front of a mirror. It all sounds silly now, but after reading, studying him, and practicing, you will become empowered. Maybe a counselor at a battered womens shelter can role play with you and give you tips. I'm sorry if this all sounds jumbled, but I really want to help. Nobody should live the way you are now. Good Luck!!

That is EXCELLANT ADVICE. I know this works because I have done it myself.

Creative ToFu · May 29, 2015 at 07:37 AM

Staying in a marriage like this is modeling for your kids how you should be treated and all women for that matter and your kids future relationships. Choosing to stay in an abusive relationship and having your kids see this, is harming them emotionally. When kids are involved, it isn't about your priorities or your husbands anymore, your kids needs for a non abiusive life comes first. Watching their mother being abused causes them harm, they will become next. For the sake of your kids and you, get to a woman's shelter today.

nicoleflynn · May 29, 2015 at 07:40 AM

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life, after 31 years of verbal abuse. Abusers are excruciatingly insecure and will do and say anything to hang on to you. Seeing a therapist (ALONE) is a good idea; never go into therapy with an abuser; they need to work on their issues by themselves. Quite often children who grow up in that environment will either become an abuser or marry an abuser. Their lives are being changed every day.It is rare for an abuser to get counseling, because they believe they don't have a problem, so you will have to make decisions for you and your children that are healthy. Living with abuse can make you physically ill, also. I have written a paper on the subject if you would like it. I am a moderator of an abused survivors group, also. Don't wait, take control of your life,because verbal abuse can quickly escalate to physical abuse. 1 in 3 women will be physically assaulted in their lifetime and it all begins with verbal abuse..

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SeekerOfLife Legendary Member Since Jul 2013 Location: Foothills, where I belong Posts: 14,593 (SuperPoster!) 10 4,064 hugs given	Nov 28, 2014 at 06:35 PM #2 If you plan to stay in the relationship, you can go to therapy alone.
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healingme4me Perpetually Pondering Community Liaison Member Since Apr 2013 Location: New England Posts: 46,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 4,168 hugs given	Nov 28, 2014 at 10:51 PM #4 If he's unwilling to work on the marriage, why raise children in a hostile environment? Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk
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Alpha03 Junior Member Member Since Nov 2014 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 20 9	Nov 30, 2014 at 05:27 AM #5 If I was you, I would tell him to stop doing what he is doing, its not right, no fair, why should you put up with it? You also have two young children, tell him its not healthy when he's doing this when you have children too.
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