[dorkygirl0609]

Hi everyone, I just joined this forum in hopes of knowing people who may have suffered the same experiences I went through. I am a survivor of emotional abuse. My mother and her boyfriend are both sociopaths and narcissists. For the past 7 years of my life, I was living very unhappily in my mom's house. Whenever I made a mistake, I would brace myself for harsh yelling with name calling (*****, evil, c***). I always thought to myself that because I did something wrong, I deserved to be yelled at and be called such demeaning names. They tried to control me and I felt like I needed permission to do things such as go out for an evening after work. I was walking on eggshells at that house. The master manipulator was my mom's boyfriend. He made everything think he was a friend and that he could be trusted. But instead, he would use the information told to him as a weapon against me.
8 months ago I made the decision to finally leave that house (was still on somewhat good terms). It was until my mother go upset over the most insane and unreasonable issue. It was then I decided they were toxic people and I can no longer associate with them.
I still experience anxiety and stress. Sometimes I feel like they come to my area and try to stalk me.
I cannot believe I have such monstrous people in my life.

[RedEagle]

Originally Posted by dorkygirl0609

Hi everyone, I just joined this forum in hopes of knowing people who may have suffered the same experiences I went through. I am a survivor of emotional abuse. My mother and her boyfriend are both sociopaths and narcissists. For the past 7 years of my life, I was living very unhappily in my mom's house. Whenever I made a mistake, I would brace myself for harsh yelling with name calling (*****, evil, c***). I always thought to myself that because I did something wrong, I deserved to be yelled at and be called such demeaning names. They tried to control me and I felt like I needed permission to do things such as go out for an evening after work. I was walking on eggshells at that house. The master manipulator was my mom's boyfriend. He made everything think he was a friend and that he could be trusted. But instead, he would use the information told to him as a weapon against me.
8 months ago I made the decision to finally leave that house (was still on somewhat good terms). It was until my mother go upset over the most insane and unreasonable issue. It was then I decided they were toxic people and I can no longer associate with them.
I still experience anxiety and stress. Sometimes I feel like they come to my area and try to stalk me.
I cannot believe I have such monstrous people in my life.

Were you a kid when you lived with them?

From what I understand emotional abuse is generally when a parent uses a child in an inappropriate way to satisfy their own unmet emotional needs that should have been satisfied by their own parents or an adult partner. The child's needs are ignored and the child is used to meet the adult's needs instead, it's an inversion of the parent-child relationship.

Emotional abusers use a wide variety of techniques, probably all subconsciously, to bend you to their will so they can get what they need from you without resistance. Some of them are invalidation (aka gaslighting), minimizing, constant criticism, constant chaos, abusive expectations, denying, emotional blackmail, unpredictable responses etc.

See here for more info:

Emotional Abuse

If you try to confront the offending parent you can be sure they'll start invalidating immediately (psychology in it's entirety is completely wrong or some other B.S meanwhile they probably believe in voodoo and Tarot cards). DO NOT listen to them, they're just responding the way they always have except now you know what they're really doing. They won't change. It's best just to cut ties, go to therapy and seek out healthier people to be in your life.

[dorkygirl0609]

The emotional abuse began at a young age with my father (who is out of the picture since the divorce 7-8 years ago). The emotional abuse escalated once my mother's boyfriend started to live with us. I never realized that his actions were abusive and I have finally woken up now. I can see that he is a sociopath; all he does is blame and shame us.
He always used guilt as his weapon. He would bring out all the mistakes I have done in the past whenever there is a disagreement to make me feel inferior.
It is horrifying knowing I was living with such a monster

[RedEagle]

Originally Posted by dorkygirl0609

The emotional abuse began at a young age with my father (who is out of the picture since the divorce 7-8 years ago). The emotional abuse escalated once my mother's boyfriend started to live with us. I never realized that his actions were abusive and I have finally woken up now. I can see that he is a sociopath; all he does is blame and shame us.
He always used guilt as his weapon. He would bring out all the mistakes I have done in the past whenever there is a disagreement to make me feel inferior.
It is horrifying knowing I was living with such a monster

Well, it's good you escaped with minimal psychological damage. My mother was an emotional abuser as well, a very, very good one. She victimized me hardcore but the really confusing thing is that the entire time she considered herself a victim. Life really isn't as clear cut as it is in the movies. In movies the villain is usually out in front and very obvious, in real life things are different. People wear masks.

[Purple Heart]

Hi Dorkygirl

I responded to a similar posting you wrote. I was emotionally abused also by both parents but more so my mother. She went into a psychotic rage at me. A lot of abuse happened to me at age 12 when I hit puberty. In hindsight I realised my mother was a man-hater since she became very aggressive and evil towards me then since I started developing. She condoned csa being done to me by my older sisters. She said to me at age 12 that I caused it and that I'm basically evil. My mother is an covert narcissists while my dad is overt. The centre of bad behaviour is focused on dad, not mum who is considered wonderful by people that know her. Do you get therapy? It will help.

Peace

PH

[RainbowG]

I can relate to your anxiety. They were emotionally intrusive, and it's hard to shake that off even when they're not around.

I've been no-contact with my abusive parents for almost 12 years now. I managed to hide my whereabouts for 10 years. They're very enmeshed, especially my mother, and I knew I wouldn't have peace from them if they knew where I was. My mother hired several private investigators throughout the first 10 years to find me. When she got my home address, she and my sister came to town. She was ready to show up on my doorstep, but my sister stopped her (I'm grateful to her for that). In the end, I renewed contact with my sister, which keeps my mother satisfied, for now.

I'm not in contact with my brother because I know he won't honor my request not to share details of my life with my abusive parents (as my sister does). Having them know anything feels intrusive to me. I suspect when my father dies, my mother will show up on my doorstep, and I dread that day. Even though I'm aware of her manipulation, controlling personality, enmeshment, emotional instability, etc., (she's also sexually abusive) and I'm confident I won't succumb to her dramatics, I just hate the thought of having to deal with her at all.

What RedEagle said about emotional abuse being about parents using a child to meet their needs and ignoring the needs of the child is true, but that isn't necessarily about an inversion of the parent-child relationship. That's called parentification and is a specific form of emotional abuse. That's when the child has to take on adult responsibilities because the parent can't function. I didn't get the impression that this is what you underwent, but what you described is definitely emotional abuse.

You're a strong person to have left that toxic environment! All I can say is that it takes time to settle into an environment where you don't have to deal with toxic people around you. Suddenly you can do and say what you want without fear. It can be overwhelming in the beginning. Practice self-care. I agree with Purple Heart that therapy can help, provided the therapist understands what emotional abuse is and takes it seriously. Unfortunately, not all do. There are also books about emotionally abusive parents. My favorite, and the one that really helped me, is Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It's worth a read if you haven't read it already.