Help...ways to calm down?

I keep seeing him. I know he can't hurt me-he doesn't know where I live and my Fiance is always with me. I changed homes, phone numbers AND work location.

But it doesn't stop the panic-the thoughts the "what if's"...what are some things you guys do to reassure yourselves-to make yourself really believe the fact that you are ok; you're safe.

I'm tired of being afraid all the time. My Fiance does his best to help when he can, but, obviously, I can't run to him every single time I get anxious or panicky.

Any ideas or advice?

well, i really cant give you an answer to that because i never feel entirely safe. to me there is danger lurking everywhere. well let me rephrase that.....in my logical mind, i know i am safe. i can list a million reasons why i am safe, but there is a part inside of me that defies that logic. i just had a major meltdown on thursday because of it and i cant even explain what it was about. but i do have a technique to deal with those unwanted thoughts. i have a door at the front of my mind and one at the back of my mind. the thoughts come in the front door and the only attention i give them is to notice them long enough to escort them out the back door. they are like clouds drifting through. i do not become attached to them, the only thing i think in my head is "thats it, out the back door". i will even visualize the thought being thrown out of my mind like a bouncer throwing a drunk out of a bar.

i hope that helps some.

for me, the emotional, triggered stuff is always harder to deal with. I'm actually trying to figure that out myself with T right now... When I get really panicked about feeling unsafe at night, I picture some of the people I feel safe with hanging out to watch over me. It really only works at night though...
I like kali's idea of the two doors and sending the unsafe thoughts on their way. Another option may be to do some grounding around what the situation is now (that you have moved, changed your contact info, that you are safe with your fiance, etc). I go through a list of "fact" in my head about my current situation vs. the one I fear. Sometimes it helps.

If you are in therapy, it might be something your T can help you out with. If you are not, it might be helpful to find someone...

I hope in time the anxiety gets less and less.

You should start by, if not already done so, by maybe letting your fiance know what you are feeling or what you're scared of. He could help you deal with things and help you understand why you are feeling that way and reassure you. reassurance is a great thing to have. as your fiance you should feel it is okay to run to him every time because he will be marrying you for you to run to him for anything.

My counselor told me to do "grounding techniques" for this (I think that was the phrase she used, can't be sure now). Things like telling yourself that you're in the present, not the past - e.g., this is 2015, I'm in x place, etc. Literally listing reasons you are safe.

I still have fears of being "found" by abusers, too, and fear of being somehow sabotaged if not directly harmed. I also fear new abusers targeting me, as they somehow frequently do. I'm still working on changing my own behaviors so this doesn't happen. I'm glad you have your fiance to support you. I think I understand your fear of not wanting to run to him every time, too, for fear of him getting tired of you (if I understood you correctly - maybe you meant he can't physically be with you all the time, not sure). But either way, I think it's important to try to balance the genuine healthiness of independence with learning to accept love, devotion, and help from others.

It's infuriating sometimes to think of all the balancing, adjustment, re-training, etc., that all sorts of survivors have to do because of abusers. I hope someday, somehow, they all get their comeuppance.

Exactly. That exactly.
You did understand corretly-I don't want him to sigh in annoyance everytime I need to talk to him because its THAT again. I don't want him thinking that everytime I try to talk to him.
I seem to have new abusers target me as well...I seem to attract them. Between worrying about that and worrying about the past ones...ya I'm on edge a lot.

The only thing I can do is just to let go of the need to cope, sometimes. Try to stop worrying that I have to cope with something. Let go, even when it seems that is dangerous. Not easy.