[Alwaysleftbehind]

My dad constantly yells at me, critizises me and ignores me. He always acts like its my fault whenever something doesn't go his way. He ignores me all the time, he only pays attention to his new girlfriend and her daughter. He acts nicer when he wants me to do something, than he gets mad again. He takes away all my contact with my friends and family. My mum and dad split when I was 5 and ive been moving between them ever since. 4 and 1/2 years ago my dad got custody of me and I moved in with his fiancée at the time. He had realy bad drinking problems and he got violent. He grabbed my step mother by the throat and slammed her against the wall and began screaming at her when she confronted him about cheating on her with a married woman. The same one he is with now. For my whole life, my dad was almost never there and even when he got custody he wasn't there. My step mother, Robyn, was the only one who was there for me as I was always fighting with my mother. My brother left to live with my mother after a while as he got in trouble so much. After breaking off the engagement, my dad made me start packing and took me to Darwin. I didn't even get a choice in the matter even though I'm 15. He didn't even let me say good bye to my friends. Whenever he came to check on my packing progress, he would scream a me for not packing fast enough and threaten to take away my phone becase I put on music while I packed. When we got here I was alone all day everyday until I started school. Even then I was alone from when I woke up till I left and when I got home till after 5:30. I lived on mainly freezer meals for the first month as he didn't cook. Even now, the main thing I eat for dinner, if I eat at all, is food brought back by dads girlfriend, Sue. Its like he has a split personality, he can be horrid one moment and the next he's trying to be nice. Not long after we first came up, my room wasn't perfectly clean as I have no storge what so ever. My dad had been drinking and something made him mad, he grabbed my arm but I shouted at him to let me go. Instead he threw me on the bed and held me down as he yelled at me. Every night when I was little I used to stay up at night and listen to my parents fighting and from when inwas 5 onwards, I always felt so hollow. It feels like I don't even really know myself anymore, I never really feel good. Sure I can feel slightly happy but that hollow feeling is always there and I don't know what to do anymore. Just after my older brother left, I tried talking to the school counsilor, but I just cant talk to people. I've always had trust issues and I find it almost impossible to talk about what I feel when I'm face to face with someone. While I was livingbwith my mum, I was diognosed with aspergus syndrome and although I have not been officially diognosed, my closest friends suspected I have anxiety, depression, OCD, ADD and mild ADHD. I also have learning difficulties and I am extremely awkward around others so I never had lots friends. For years now I've had thoughts that no 15 year old should and I've learnt to shut out everyone.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) So sorry to hear you have suffered physical, emotional and mental abuse all these years. No one should have to go through that. That must be so difficult to endure. If you want to post there are also forums on survivors of abuse
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Sometimes victims of abuse on Psych Central make their location general like Australia or Earth to further protect your identity. You can edit your public page. Private message me if you need help with that. Any other info that might reveal your identity can also be changed. People also log out when they are through using Psych Central so prying eyes may not discover their posts and they can maintain there anonymosity.

Please consider having a safety plan that includes emergency numbers like police, crisis hotlines, child abuse telephone numbers in case things get out of hand. Your safety should be the most important concern. You have suffered a lot of abuse but that does not mean you have to endure an unsafe situation where you are in danger.

Psych Central is a great place to meet people, make friends, vent the things you can't say to the ones who surround you, and a place to learn about relating to people without having to confront them face to face.

Glad you have joined our community. I find Psych Central helps me find answers where before there were only questions. There is so much here. It is like a buffet of help, everyone picks what they like the best.

Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[healingme4me]

Hi Alwaysleftbehind,

Welcome to PC!

Hope you find this community as warm and supportive, as I have.

If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to ask any of the Community Liasons for help and gentle board guidance.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Alwaysleftbehind!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. (((CANDC))) has given you some good advice!!! You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!