Having difficulty remembering everything and also letting go

I remember on many occasions being abused as a kid. I'm now 23. For years I have been drinking in excess it always kept these things to myself but the drinking has gotten me in so much trouble and Has created many problems for me. I have a girlfriend I've been with for several years and as of two days ago she never knew about my past so I decided to tell her. It felt really good telling someone else because I've kept it a secret my whole life. I get angry about things and drink to cope with it. I get sad and drink to cope with it. Sometimes I won't be sad or angry but I'll be having a great time and once I drink enough I start to act out , doing really stupid things that get me in trouble and make everyone mad. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that I never talked about my past with anyone and have never tried to address this as a problem and work on getting past that horrible part of my child hood. So my question is how can I start to let go of the past and just live my life without this self hatred and guilt? How can I forgive myself for allowing these things to happen to me as a kid and never telling anyone. I just wanna be strong and move forward but I feel stuck all the time and the drinking has not helped. I am not drinking at the moment because I want to take a new step and actually try to work these things out and truly grow as a person in body and mind and soul. Thank you

Sounds like opening up to your girlfriend is shifting you towards wanting to make steady improvements to give peace to yourself? Shifting coping mechanisms sounds like a step.

Many people utilize therapy, support groups, try new hobbies, read, journal, exercise, change diet, sleep habits. It's a gradual process.
You sound hopeful..

hello and welcome to PC.

thanks for sharing your story- hope that you get the support you are looking for here.

Hi Mars. Welcome to Psych Central (PC). You really are a survivor coping with all you are struggling through. No one should have to go through abuse. Congratulations on staying clear of drinking.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts).

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

What happened to you was not your fault. You need to tell yourself that even if you don't believe it. I think because this has impacted your life so much you would greatly benefit from therapy.