[elissa85]

I'm a 17 year old female and ever since I can remember I have always felt uncomfortable around men.. I think I may have been molested as a child & I need some help to piece together & to know I'm not crazy.
I remember one night in a particular when I was 7 I was at a party with parents at their friends house. I remember there was so many people there, I remember what the house looked like, I remember playing with the other children. All this is weird cause most of my childhood memories seem to be blocked from my memory. I remember that night 3 things happening; a man standing over me angry,

Possible trigger:

I remember being in a dark room crying, & I remember a little girl telling me that we aren't supposed to wear panties to bed cause that's what her daddy said.

Her dad was the host of the party and he's the man I remember seeing being angry with me. I don't know what happened that night but that night is so vivid in my memory, something significant had to happen right? I talked to my cousin and he said that strangely that night is vivid to him too.
This was around time that I became very withdrawn & would be the time that my life started spiraling down hill. I'd find myself crying cause I honestly felt like men were always looking at me sexually. I remember from that young age wanting to look pretty for guys, older guys.

Possible trigger:

At this age I started to get very addicted to sexual things.. Porn & masturbation..incest & the thought of rape turned me.

I felt so dirty fm for this, I still do. This is very hard to talk about because I was raised in a christian home where none of this is acceptable. I was an outgoing kid until around this time.. Then I became isolated & fell into a deep depression. It was until a few years ago that I felt like something had happened when I was little to make me so depressed, that made me feel so dirty & scared. I started cutting and getting in trouble in school. I've seen therapists for my depression and I've been on medicine for it .. But I still feel lost. In trying to get to the root of my problems so I can finally heal and maybe one day be in a healthy relationship. I can't talk to my therapist about this because she's friends with my parents. It wasn't until a few months ago that all these memories started coming back. I can remember time and time again of being scared in front of guys. & I keep having nightmares of the angry mans face...

I won't say anything cause I don't want to accuse anybody.. Am I just trying to find something to blame on my fear of men & my depression ? Or do you think something actually could have happened?

[kaliope]

I dont think you are crazy. Dont let this ruin your life. Just because you dont have all the pieces of the puzzle to have a clear picture, you have enough pieces to make the picture make sense. Im 52. My life has been hell trying to find all the pieces. the memories come when our mind is ready to handle the trauma. you are obviously ready. if you dont trust this therapist, talk to another. dont let your future be your past.

[CANDC]

Hi elissa. Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry you have suffered from apparent bullying and abuse. No one should have to go through this. I think what is clear from this situation is you have extreme anxiety around men and something in your childhood has caused this. Having a therapist you can talk to openly even if your memories are not strong enough to establish guilt, they are enough to begin the healing process. Finding a therapist that is experienced in surviving abuse could be a key aspect of this healing process.

There is a resource where you can submit a question and volunteer therapists answer as their time allows. Ask the Therapist

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Anxiety (including social anxiety) is at 8PM EST Wednesday.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[spring2014]

hi elissa,
I was molested by my dad when I was going to school for my associate of arts degree . my dad molested me one year after my mom died and I denied the the fact that I was molested by my dad . it took me three years to come to terms with it . I started going to counseling last year w my current therapist that im seeing today . my therapist diagnosed me w anxiety and depression . then she asked me if I wanted to a psychological evaluation I told her yes cuz my family wanted me to get a psychological evaluation .oddly enough PTSD showed up on my results of the psychological evaluation . my therapist worked with me on my PTSD of when my dad molested me four years ago . she did a dual awareness exercise with me . my oldest bro thought that I was crazy that my dad molested me .also my older brother did too thought that I was crazy . both of my sisters believed me that my dad molested me .also my former choir director believed me too. my choir director is my confident I told her in my room on the phone myself . I don't think you're crazy elissa . I believe in you .




Dx: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistaril 25 mgs 2x for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[Cat_Lover_58]

My grandfather was my abuser. My two sisters believe me. And the hell with the others who don't. I have one life and plan to make it my life and a good one. I'm in your corner and you aren't crazy at all. Keep on doing what's good for you...Cat

[PrairieCat]

Welcome, Elissa. You are not crazy! You are in the right place here. Please find a counselor that is not friends with your parents so that you can relax and get to the core of the matter. The counselor you have cannot legally tell your parents anything you say, but I think you need to find another you are more comfortable with whom you can talk to about that night. There are counselors that can help you with this! Good luck.

[Kaylord]

I am so freaking sorry you are going through this! But please know that you are so far from crazy!

I was molested when I was 4 by three daycare teachers. It took me 23 years to even remember what the room looked like. At such a young age, our brains don't always know how to cope and handle such extreme abuse, so our brains do the only thing they can sometimes... they shut down. It is not uncommon at all to not remember much.

I would highly suggest finding a new therapist. Maybe even looking into one who is trained to do EMDR. I will post a link below to explain more about it. Just something to look into.

If you EVER need to talk, please do not hesitate to message me!

You are not alone!

What is EMDR? | Trauma Recovery