[CRPS Warrior]

I went through many types of abuse. I have only been free for a few years. I don't have a clue to how to live in this world. I keep going back to my "training". I don't know the "rules" here. Can anyone help me??

[Cat_Lover_58]

Welcome to Psych Central! I've not been here that long but it's a good place to ask for help or just vent. What do you need help with? Maybe we can point you in the right direction. Cat

[littleowl2006]

Hello and welcome!
I guess the hard part is making new rules for your own life now and change direction.
Talking about experiences is super important because often shame stands in the way of understanding, and understanding is crucial for change.
So please feel free to talk openly here. People on PC are usually very supportive and offer advice based on their own experiences.

[CRPS Warrior]

How do I stop living by their rules?? It controls all of my life, from what not to wear, what to say and everything in between...

[littleowl2006]

Therapy would be one way to see where exactly you make decisions based on thoughts which don't serve you. Is going into therapy possible for you? I don't know you and your situation.

I guess it takes time to find out what you need and where you need to make changes.
Talking to people has been and is essential for me, and I can only offer my thoughts here from my point of view. I found a great therapist and he helped me see where I get into everyday situations which remind me of my family so I feel like I am being "there" again. When I finally realized that, I also saw that what my memory told me wasn't true and that I can make my own choices. The world isn't like my family, and I am free to make my own choices. - But it took me years to get there

If you post about specific thoughts or feeling or events here on PC you will get more detailed feedback
*hugs to you*

[CRPS Warrior]

I had a great therapist, but I can't see him right now, because I'm in an IOP (Intense Outpatient Program), and my insurance will not cover both. I'm thinking about seeing if I can get a one on one with the group leader...

[littleowl2006]

Good luck!
In the meantime, keep posting There's a lot of wisdom accumulated in this community and everybody is glad to help with their experience

[starfruit504]

I hear my father's voice in my head all the time. I'm sure his words still have a lot of influence over my life. The thing is, since I went no-contact with him, I don't make my decisions based on what he'd say or think any more. He's no longer a factor.

Of course, I still hear his voice in my head. He was in my life for 30 years. But just like after a breakup with a monster ex, eventually it slacks off. You feel their influence less. Time is on your side.

Don't beat yourself for not being ready to live in the real world. Parents are there to model and teach us how to adapt to life when we fly the nest. When they fail us, entering that world is tumultuous. But you can figure this out. You have all the equipment anyone else has. You just need time to adapt.

Try to take the time to pause and ask yourself "Is this my rule or their rule? Is this what I want or what they would want" -- or whatever applies in the moment. You're still finding YOUR voice and identity, things that are suppressed by abuse. Give yourself time to develop those things and eventually it will be second nature, the voice in your head will be authentically yours.

Remember:
1. Nobody has any idea what the heck they're doing.
2. You are much stronger than most people.

[CRPS Warrior]

Thank you so much starfruit. I guess I just wish things were easier...