[Miktis25]

Kind of letting things out, because everything is becoming too much for me

My father is here; over the last few months my memories have been coming back of him abusing me when I was a child, though I've known my whole life what he's like. He's here to visit and so I spent yesterday evening with him when he left me stuck in a crowded Chinese restaurant which I can't deal with on a good day (being autistic) yet alone when I'm left alone there. I CAN'T be left alone, I always need someone there to make sure I don't get confused and wander off.
Then I was stuck at his hotel room, where I didn't want to go in the first place. But when he came back he had a beer and he lay down on the bed and made me cuddle him. I elbowed him pretty hard in the ribs and struggled later when he tried to hug me. It's triggers everywhere. I just can't deal with it all

[Seraphine]

Oh dear, this sounds so difficult is there anyone in real life you could ask to help you be not left alone with him? Anyone who could champion for you or stay with you? Also, writing a diary of your interactions with him may be a good idea in case you need help from someone official, to show that your feelings aren't without reason. I really wish I could help more

[nicoleflynn]

Why do you feel you need to be around him?

[Miktis25]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Oh dear, this sounds so difficult is there anyone in real life you could ask to help you be not left alone with him? Anyone who could champion for you or stay with you? Also, writing a diary of your interactions with him may be a good idea in case you need help from someone official, to show that your feelings aren't without reason. I really wish I could help more

Thank you, while I doubt he'd do anything now I will try the diary idea, would make me feel a little better. I live with my mother but for the next five weeks she's working 8am-11pm at a Christmas market, so I'm on my own. Don't know anyone else

[Miktis25]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Why do you feel you need to be around him?

He's come over from England to see me, and I'm too afraid to say "no, I don't want to see you" to him. I'm trying to work up the courage to cut him out of my life completely but it just feels less complicated to try pretend there's nothing wrong - I usually wouldn't see him more than five days a year if that. I don't want to be around him at all, but I'm afraid of the conflict that would happen if I said no