[BreezyB]

I want to give up...like…shutting off my emotions kind of giving up. I’m so good at it. So good at becoming cold. But over the years I have realized that putting up those walls affects me negatively more than anybody else…
& I think the reason for that is that I am constantly made to feel like my feelings are not valid. It has been that way since as long as I can remember. Crying was weakness, panic attacks were a sign of insanity, sadness and anger surely meant I was bipolar…and that was the way I grew up. Little did my parents know that I was being molested and raped by my cousin…not that they would care anyway since my mom was constantly manipulative & mentally & emotionally abusive & occasionally physically abusive (something she still denies to this day & makes me feel unwarranted & delusional in “feeling” as if she was…no, I know she was…I know…don’t I?) & cheating on my father, an alcoholic, with his best friend & business partner… my sister absent & addicted to heroin (wearing plastic bags for shoes & impregnated by a man I introduced her to) & now the star of the family…her son took my room & now I’m not allowed to be here, there’s no space for me, no place for me…not that I want to be here, either way… my brother is a 4.0 student but never talks about his feelings…has an entire second bedroom dedicated to his gaming systems…I can’t even stay in that bedroom…although my sister is allowed to reside in the entire fifth-wheel trailer. Yeah, I was a drug addict…so? So was she.
I can’t get over this, it’s tearing me down so much, I’m trying to find other housing, but it’s proven so difficult when I don’t have a car and have no money…and how do I get a job when I don’t have permanent housing & have no clue how much longer I will be allowed to stay at my parents house since they make it so clear on a daily basis that my being here is a VERY TEMPORARY SOLUTION.
I have a friend in Mississippi offering to buy me a plane ticket down there…ahhh, an escape from all of this. Barely. He’s proven to be extremely manipulative and to be very skilled at it, at that.
I just need someone to tell me that my feelings are valid. That I’m not delusional...they're not fake...they are real...they were real. They’re valid…right?

(P.S. YES, I am trying to get in to see a psychiatrist…the soonest they could get me in is the middle of next month, and they require 3-4 psychologist visits before seeing the psychiatrist)

[Georgia Bridge]

Yes, your feelings are valid and very real. I have not one clue how to help and your situation sounds terrifying.
I have a physically and psychologically abusive family and, thankfully, I think they're finally a part of my past.
Financial insecurity... yikes... I've been there... I had the most difficult time getting away from them because of it... which they were experts at holding over my head.
It sounds like hell.

[Fuzzybear]

[PrairieCat]

Your feelings are absolutely valid! You are a human being. You have feelings. The feelings are real. It is impossible for them to not be valid. They ARE valid!

[WibblyWobbly]

Abusers are experts at making you feel like your feelings are not valid. That's how they get away with what they do instead of being shunned by society or thrown in jail. Part of your recovery is experiencing those feelings and learning to tolerate them rather than numb them out (mentally or through substance abuse). You have to know that what you experienced was real and horrifying. What you are going through now is real and it's not fair. But you can rise above it. It doesn't have to define you anymore. My advice is keep your head down. Don't let them see you angry at the way you are treated. Use them for a place to stay as long as you can until you get on your feet and then get the hell out of there and let them live their toxic lives without you. What helped me through some of my darkest days was telling myself, "I'm not going to let him win."