[gracebuttercup]

Hi
I am not sure it is approptiate to write this here. I have never written about it. I pushed it away for decades. But here it goes. Taking deep breath

A couple of weeks after my 19th birthday I went to visit my boyfriend I had met while on Christmas Vacation from college. He was going to school in Florida. i was visiting there with my parents for christmas vacation.

Fast forward 5 1/2 months he asked me to go to New Jersey where he was staying with his parents for the summer school break. I went. His parents went out and he forced sex on me. I came home and told my friends. They knew him from Florida. They were furious. But I didnt really understand why they were. I thought it was my fault.

I forgot about it. Every once in a while over the decades it would flash in my mind for a few minutes. Eventually even the bathroom scene where I was door locked screaming in terror on the top of my lungs while he was trying to bash down the door. I was stuck there. I lived a plane ride away.

After decades of it flashing through my mind for a few minutes each year or two, I now accept that I was date raped. But a part of me may never fully stop blaming myself. Of course that is wrong to blame the self. But this is what society has done to girls and women ( and of course guys who are raped). The victim is blamed. The blame is the gift that keeps on giving. Year after year. Sometimes decade after decade.

For me, I was pre-disposed to the self blame because of extreme emotional abuse growing up. I was pre-disposed to finding abusers to date. But for anyone who has had sex when you said no, it is not your fault ever. No matter what. I was even screaming with all my might and blamed myself. How very sad. I do hope it was okay to write this. Because it is a first for me. I have remained silent all these years. This is the first time I have told the story... since 2 days after it happened when I did not have a clue that it was not may fault and I had in fact been abused.

[PrairieCat]

Thank you for posting this! It was brave of you. Yes, date rape. I think it has always existed. I am 74 and I have been date-raped more than once. Even my counselor was date raped. Our childhood emotional abuse set us up for date rape. Our parents who taught their little girls to never question authority and to never question ANYTHING, to just be 'nice little girls' set us all up royally for date rape. It wasn't and isn't fair and all women have to get wise regarding this. How sorry and sad this is, for parents to set their daughters up to be easily raped. I didn't even know what it was at first and I also thought it was my fault. It was never our fault! We must forgive ourselves and go forward. It still makes me sick to think of how and where it originated, though. Shame on all the parents who did this to their daughters.

[Fuzzybear]