[bug]

Hello everyone,
I posted my story just a couple of days ago. Since that time I have been flooded with memories and thoughts. I'm 53 years old. I have two growm children and 4 grand children. I feel like I'm a little kid all over again. That seems stramge, but I know it happens. I find that niether my age nor my education has any effect on this thing. I can't intellectualize my feelings. I'm having a real problem dealing with it all now. I think sometimes denial works. I want to run away. If I had the resources to do it I most likely would. I don't want to be around any of my family. I feel like they all look down on me. My husband is supportive, but he has health problems and I just don't like to bother him with all of this. My kids are struggling with their own problems. My daughter is bipolar and I never know from one call to the next what will be going on with her. My son is fighting for custody of his two small children as he waits for his divorce to be finalized. My father died of complications from alzhimers in January after a very long period where I had to help my Mother take care of him. God I sound like such a whiiner. My daughter lives in St Petersburg. She told me yesterday that her boss's daughter, who is also bipolar, jumped off the skyway bridge. I have been really worried since then about how that will effect her. She is in therapy and was to see her Doctor today. I know I am rattleing on here. I just feel a little overwhelmed.
It helps to have a place I can put these feeling into words.
I have felt so guilty for so long for things I had no control over. I have always preached that when you are a child you are not resposable for what others do to you but when you are an adult you have to take responsiblity. But I must say that isn't always as easy or cut and dried as it sounds. What happens to us when we are children makes up a great deal of what we are as adults. That never goes away. It colors every thing else in our lives.
Well. thats enough for now. I'll need to process a little more before I can tell you more of my story.

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Nope, age and education don't seem to insulate against this stuff, and intellectualizing it doesn't work. I know that you said you didn't really have time for therapy now, but it sounds like you've been getting ready to deal with these issues for a while now, and now it's time. You don't sound like a whiner. You sound like you have been under a lot of stress, probably for a long time, and you have done your best to deal with it, but now it has caught up with you. It's hard, but you're going to have to work through it. Having someone to help you makes it a little bit easier. You'll see - dealing with it will lead to growth and improve your life, even if you doubt it sometimes. What happened to us as children has a lot to do with shaping our futures. Having survived what happened to you as a child is also part of who you are. You did survive, and you became an intelligent, sensible adult, who has not done too bad with her life so far. When you were a child, you didn't have control over what happened to you, but now you do. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>