[jolene93]

Hello everyone. I believe I am posting into correct category. This week I was raped. I never thought something like that would happen to me, well it did. I didn't go to police (please don't blame me for that, I just couldn't), didn't tell anyone irl except a friend who was with me that night. But friend is leaving the country, can't help me/support me.
I get feelings of guilt, that maybe it was my fault. I ask myself why, what would happen if... ? I could have avoided it. Physical wounds are somehow healing but my mind just can't accept it. I am shaking almost all day, still thinking about the physical pain, how disgusted and confused I was. Who says "you're so beautiful" while making me cry of pain? Who does that? I couldn't leave, he was too muscular and tall, there was no space that I could just run away.
I had a pretty rough idea what my life will look like in next few weeks (finishing exams, prepare for entrance exam, relax etc.). And then this happened and I am completely lost. Had to postpone exams, I am avoiding friends, I don't want to talk to them, they don't know and won't know. Everyday problems don't affect me anymore, it's like none of it matters. Only place when I am "okay" is when I am sleeping. I woke up from a nice dream and I felt good but then I remembered what happened to me and it hit me like a train. I sleep a lot, or I just lie in a bed, there's no real reason why get up.
Thank you for hearing me out, and I hope someone who went through this will show me the way how to cope with this. Thank you

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I don't understand how this must feel for you because I've never been in your shoes. I'm not judging you at all...hugs, Cat

[nicoleflynn]

Rape is the fault of the rapist. I hope you can get counseling. RAINN is a good resource, I have heard. It will stay with you until you find a way to deal with it. I am so sorry. Let us know. There are some things we never "overcome' or get over, but find a way to live with what happened.

You will survive and overcome this! Sleep in the immediate aftermath of trauma is actually a healthy and therapeutic response . . . your body is doing what it is programmed to do.

Of course, everyone out here wants the person who did this to you to be held accountable. No blame, though, for not going to the police, but sad that you feel you can't. Do you think you can start a log to record the events - time, place, details? I ask for a couple of reasons . . . 1) providing an accurate record while details are still fresh so that you have what you need in the event you chose to report the crime at a later date, and 2) processing on paper what has happened to you, even if you don't ever share it with anyone else, would be beneficial to your mind and spirit. This rape will obviously completely dominate your waking thoughts for a while, so why not start jotting everything down? You may find that just the act of putting it down on paper as a conscious choice will be empowering for you. Empowering enough to get up day after day, take one step at time towards recovering, re-engaging in life. Maybe your friend who knows of this can dictate some notes for you before leaving the country if you think that would help? If this happened on campus or at an off-campus school sponsored event, you may want to check into the school's rape policy - just to be informed, nothing more.

Please do seek counseling as soon as possible. The sooner you seek support by those trained for this type of trauma the better you will be.

* rain.org
* RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE
* Visit online.rainn.org to chat one-on-one with a trained RAINN support specialist, any time 24/7.

Bless you!

[czarina1984]

I've been in a similar situation and can't talk about it either. Just breathing takes more energy than its worth some days. My thoughts are with you.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I'm sorry for your experience. Is there any way you could seek out a counsellor? You could really do with the support

[ShineYourLight]

forgiveness is key, forgiving yourself and the person that did this :'(