[Doonney]

I went to my first sexual abuse counceling today and have decided to get on the road to healing, I'm just going to get this out there.

I was molested by my uncle from the age of five. But wait there more, then my aunty started. As if this was not enough when my sister was old enough she also began being pleasured at my expence. Why didn't I turn to some one? Who was there to turn to? My father who beat me and kissed me? My mother who told me that my fathers abuse was my fault? They molested me for more years than I care to remember. Then when I was eleven I was raped by a friend of my fathers. Once again who was there to tell? The father who beat me for 17years. Or the mother who didin't care?

Why am I telling you all this and not the people who did this to me? The people I smile at eveyday eventhough I grit my teeth. I don't know, I just don't know! Like the T said who am I protecting, me? The innocent abused one. Or them? the guilty abusers.

When is enough, enough?

welcome to psychcentral Doonney,

I am so sorry that you had to go through all that. I wish you much healing as you start therapy. I hope you find this forum a support and help in your journey.

Ev

[tranquility]

Welcome Doonney.

You're right there was no where to turn - but now you can turn here. We all listen

Tranquility

[Gabby2007]

hi Doonney,
I'm so glad you're starting on the journey of recovery. I'm in a support group too.

it really sucks when there isn't anyone to tell, doesn't it? I was abused by an older brother after our parents died...I knew if I told I'd have to move to another home and he'd come with me each time, no win situation.

no advice, but just a comment, after some therapy, I found a support group really helpful.

[Doonney]

Thank you to everyone that has welcomed me to the community.

Sorry for the abrupt post. It was the only way I could do it at the time. You know just rip the bandaid off in one quick go so as to minimize the pain.

Did it work? Not really. All I feel is sick - bad - sad for saying the things I have. If there where some way of taking it back, I just might think seriously about doing that. Not that it will in anyway change the past, or what I'm going through.

[wickedwings]

hello. yeah, you're in the right place. you have us now, and your therapist. i wish you the best in your journey to healing.

[Gabby2007]

Doonney,
I, for one, am glad you ripped off that bandaid of secrecy, it is a huge first necessary step.

That wound needs cleaning. It's a very real wound. Can't heal and keep secrets at the same time.

I'm glad you shared.

[Doonney]

Thanks wickedwings for welcoming me. Gabby 2007 I do understand where your coming from. I guess I just wish there was some other way of doing this (healing) with out having to confront my inner demonds. But I suppose we all feel like that. If there where any other path we would take it. But than again if we could change what has happened to us then we would.

[soulno7]

I think you have a powerful mind...very powerful. How old are you again? The fact that you survived what u had to go through is mind blowing.

Just the fact that you didn't let it get the best of you.

You're obviously a fighter, keep fighting the demons till you're saved.

Love.