[dorsey555]

if you guys read the poetry that i wrote in the creative forum, you'd agree that i was in a scarey place. i'm still not in the greatest shape, but i commited to working this week, so i have some pressure to "get it together." i met this guy that i really like, but i found myself scared, feeling rejected..it was so painful to feel. I believe that the fears that i'm having is around intimacy and letting someone get close. When i look at the self destructive behavior in my past now, i'm amazed that i survived, and i see how i was trying to stay sane. i'm not sure i'll ever understand the total severity of the effect that sexual abuse as a child has had on me. It's not the bipolar, though it makes everything worse, or my substance abuse issues, althought they are real and deadly. The fact that the slightest amount to "opening up"
emotionally with this person brought up shame, abandonment issues, feelings of rejection. When i covered my emotions in the past, i could easily have a "relationship," though that's stretching the term a bit. i'm back in therapy. how did you guys and girls get past the fear and pain and have a relationship?

i havent gotten past the fears, but i talk about them with my T sometimes.

[dorsey555]

thanks esther,
but have you been able to have a relationship of real intimacy? how, what did you do? anything would help.
dorsey