not sure where I belong

i don't even know if i belong here. i just took the domestic violence quiz and scored an 11. i know it doesn't really mean anything. but my problems don't really stem from my current relationship. i was hurt in the past and i guess now i'm just afraid. my husband doesn't physically hurt or threaten me but he does yell. at me, and i feel like he gets too loud with our kids. he has a quick temper, gets really loud. i try to step in to get him to lighten up. i was abused in a past relationship and have recurring depression, he knows that, all about it and i am sensitive. i cry easily, making him more mad. i just want to fix it. i love him and i know he loves me, i don't think he even knows he could be hurting me. i'm afraid to even say anything about it. he hates that i write on the depression board sometimes, says i make him look like a real mean or bad person but i can't really talk to him about it. he doesn't understand. he just asks if i took my meds and walks away. where do i belong? where do i fit in? i know it could be a lot worse as it has been for many of you. i'm just lost.

((((((((((((((steph2133))))))))))))))))))
hope you are feeling better soon,

I know how hard it is to explain to someone what you are going through, especially depression. People don't really understand it untill they get it, they think it is only crazy people who get depressed. They don't understand what you are going through, and most people are so busy with their own lives that they rarely take time to help others!
My partner is also always just concerned about my meds, that's the most important thing for him, and he thinks that once I have taken them I return to normal instantly. Would your husband read a book on depression if you got him one? There are some very informative stuff available.
Maybe he also has some issues that he is afraid to discuss with you. Men aren't as open as women are and that leads to their own downfall. They try to be these strong people always in charge of everything and everyone and they don't want to feel vulnerable.

I sincerely hope you can work things out, because it is difficult to handle this stress on top of everything else...

Hi steph, sorry you are having it so hard. You say that your problems don’t stem from your current relationship. Fair enough. But having someone yell at us is a form of verbal abuse… as then one is scared of that person or one has to tip toe around them. You write that he doesn’t know he could be hurting me, well please tell him so he knows exactly where you’re coming from.

Would he not be willing, at least for the sake of the children, to get some help (couples counselling, anger management) as it is affecting you – and probably the kids who are keenly aware of when mummy and daddy are fighting (or when daddy is shouting).

If he loves you, as you state, surely he would want the best for you and the children. Yes, it could be a lot worse, but this does not mean you should have to go through this being as unhappy and lonely. You deserve understanding and love… and support in/from your relationship.