Trusting After Abuse

I was sexually abused as a kid and physically and verbally abused until my father died in my early twenties. I have always had trouble with male relationships and have never had an intimate relationship. Since the flashbacks to the sexual stuff started to come back and I now know why I'm afraid of all men and want to run away, I want to fix this. My therapist said I just have to remind myself that I'm safe and eventually I will believe it. I don't want to passively try to work this out. I want trust, love, and eventually intimacy. Do you have any suggestions or things that have helped you overcome this kind of fear?

Im sorry I wont be much help only to let you know you are not alone with this. Im 54 was abused over 40 years ago, and the trust thing is still an issue. I have been married now for 30 years have 11 grandchildren. Just have to find a way around it. I still have a huge problem with any one with authority, police, doctors etc. we just have a way to adapt. just hope you can push through it believe it or not there is a light at the end of the tunnel, i have seen a twinkle now and then wish you all the best

I think sharing our experiences is very intimate in a digital way and each of us here must have some pure trust to reach out with our inner love to others (on the forum and elsewhere) hoping they will *gently* respond.

I am sorry you were hurt ever, ever, ever. I think the feeling of wanting to just run away is very understandable and the action of staying around to face those fearful doubts and conquer them is very brave. (I was hurt as an adult by a stranger but I can relate to the fear of not wanting to trust *all men*/*all abusers* so much I lose myself in despair sometimes about my ""it"" too.)

My only suggestion is go slow because sex (consentual/desired/loving/safe/gentle/rough/skilled technique/sloppy technique)

does not fix or stop or remove or repair any previous abuse trauma &or betrayals

and can actually make flashbacks/tension much worse. The desire to fix it (our past,our feelings, our insecurities) right now (*now now now*) can influence us to demand too much from a new relationship or expect a new partner to be impossibly ultraperfect.

You do have actual brain signals/hormones ... changing chemicals in the blood causes both pleasant and unpleasant responses/sensations... just like everyone else but the recall of negative experience is not the same... it can be scary for your *eventually* loving partner also. So just, go slow... expect perhaps merely okay sex to happen at first... try again, despite setbacks... then slowly just enjoy awesome intimacy with someone who actually deserves you.

Take things at your own pace, if someone's worth having in your life, they'll be there.

Every man in my life failed me. 1st, no father growing up, 2nd, abusive husband....31 years of that...next a pastor who spiritually abused me....then a t who sexualized our relatonship; the t is the one who said "every man in your life has failed you. What a joke.

I seem to trust okay, it it just that there are so many UNtrustworthy people.