[LesFleursDuMal]

I have never posted anything here but things have been driving me crazy lately. I don't know what to think about it.
What if an adult saw you masturbating yourself when you were 4 or 5 and told you to stop doing it and tell them when you want to do it instead and then decided to apply cream on your vagina before you go to sleep, maybe thinking that it would make you not touch yourself ? Is this abuse ?
And what if this adult is your mother ?

[ladyrevan21]

That's not appropriate or okay. I'm really sorry she did that.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Thank you. I guess I just really needed to hear that it's not okay.

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[ladyrevan21]

No problem. Honestly, I can understand if your mother was treating you for, say, medical reasons or something (I'm thinking stuff like putting diaper cream on a baby), but that procedure just was not that -- I think I would definitely call it sexual abuse, actually. The non-abusive mother would have probably taken you to a kid therapist if she was really worried. Not what you describe.

Have you spoken to a therapist about this?

[LesFleursDuMal]

Originally Posted by ladyrevan21

No problem. Honestly, I can understand if your mother was treating you for, say, medical reasons or something (I'm thinking stuff like putting diaper cream on a baby), but that procedure just was not that -- I think I would definitely call it sexual abuse, actually. The non-abusive mother would have probably taken you to a kid therapist if she was really worried. Not what you describe.

Have you spoken to a therapist about this?

I've been seeing a therapist for the last two years and a half. He knows my mother is my biggest issue but I've never talked about this in particular. I actually intend to do it next monday when I'll see him. I hope I won't disgust him.

[ladyrevan21]

LesFleursDuMal,

If your therapist is worth his salt, he won't be disgusted with you. He'll be disgusted with your mother for sure (another thing that a nonabusive mother would have done is talk to the kid about the issue, e.g. "You can only touch your private parts in private." Or something along those lines), but not with you. I mean, she basically molested you under the guise of caretaking (which is a pretty common tactic for female perpetrators). It's not your fault. You were four or five years old.

In addition, there's actually a support group out there for people who've gone through the same experience: Making Daughters Safe Again (MDSA). The only drawback is that you'll have to pay a fee for it, but I heard it's pretty helpful for people who've gone through a similar experience. And the main page has some pretty good information as well.

And well...hugs if you want them.

[LesFleursDuMal]

I can't thank enough for taking the time to answer me and offering such support. My head is a mess, I don't know what to think or how to feel about these "incidents" but I appreciate having someone else's opinion before sharing this with my T on Monday. Thank you.

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[ladyrevan21]

No problem. It's a hard subject. And I can only imagine. I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's definitely a hard thing to take in.

Also, good luck with therapy on Monday. I hope things go well. And like I said, if your therapist is worth his salt, he'll be on your side.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Just thought I'd let you know I did talk to my therapist. He was definitely supportive and just perfect about the whole thing. Thank you again for your support

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[ladyrevan21]

No problem.

That's wonderful! He's definitely a great therapist, I think.

[amandalouise]

Um yes is it normal. its the equivelent of a parent putting finger nail polish on a 4 0r 5 year olds finger nails to stop them from sucking on their fingers. some parents around here use soothing powders, creams, bath oils, bath bubbles as a way of stopping a child from masturbating when its not appropriate to do so. when you think about it even adults enjoy the feeling of creams, powders and such down below. it calms the natural bodily itches and sometimes the need to touch "down there" I even know some dads, boys, and adult men that recommend various home remedies, creams, powders down below to help cut down on the need to "re adjust their self" help keep down there dry,free of sweating and the need to masturbate.

my point in my family, culture, religion and laws this would not be considered to be abuse.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers. they will be able to figure out based on your locations laws, ethics, parenting styles, religions cultural ways and such as to whether it is actually abuse for you or not.