How do you cope without guidance or love?

I was 15 when I first posted here, and I'll be 18 in a few weeks. I haven't changed or grown from any of my experiences; in fact I've gone through absolute hell and I haven't been able to move past it.

A summary on the past 2 or so years are on my wordpress (counterdream).

My life has been mostly negative with very little positive things in the mix... I've tried to write about the 'ups' in my life but there honestly haven't been any. I am now going to repeat my senior year of highschool and having conflicting thoughts of dropping out or pushing through this last stretch of my tragic childhood.

I can't lean on my father or mother, I can't turn to friends. I feel so alone and cornered. How do I stop playing the victim and become an actual survivor of abuse? I want to be strong-willed and independent instead of crying over a job rejection.

When I was in High School I was a mess. No one cared and I was completely emotionally alone.

I managed to finish High School and no one went to my graduation. I couldn't even be in it because my mom wouldn't even pay for my cap and gown.

I was homeless that first year free. I met good people in my journey and have had some hard lessons, but I crawled up and am ok now. I just started college and won scholarships to pay the whole year. Without that High School diploma I wouldn't have been able to do that.

Once you are free you will be able to create your own life. YOUR life, the way YOU want it. Every decision you make creates what will happen to you in the future. Those people that hurt you and the others that don't support you can be part of your past. You can make your own future without them.

I was in a place very similar to where you are. (((hugs))) YOU are worthy.

Don't know if this will help: "In order to love,or even like one's
self,one must behave in ways one can respect." If you can,get a
book on assertiveness; scary it may be (to take responsibility for
one's self), but you have to get some way to lift your self-esteem. Also try and get book: "Self-Compassion" by
Kristin Neff ,she has website too. Here's other quote: "Everything depends on me." See,the thing about responsibility,
is,you take BACK your own power to your OWN self. Keep
asking self, "What can I do?"
Courage To You,
BLUEDOVE

It is absolutly essential that you finish high school. Competition for work requires HS at a minimum. If you leave now it will guarantee many more job rejections. I know someone who dropped out. She floundered for YEARS until she realized she HAD to get her GED. It took her another 2 years to be re-educated to pass the test. Staying in school would have been easier. Please stick it out for yourself. We can't go back in time. You are young and have great potential to succeed. Believe it.

Your story was truly eye opening. <3 How did you crawl out of homelessness? Were you working before? How did you qualify for college scholarships?

I have several friends that have done or are attempting to do the same thing. The youngest is 16 and found a 'secure' job at Publix thanks to her parents being close with the management. She's been promoted to assistant manager, and I can't help but feel jealous that I'm not able to move up in life so easily. I hope she goes back to school.

I've been hunting for work for nearly 10 months now. I'll be 18 in September and I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why I'm not getting hired. If I ask the interviewers, they tell me there isn't a problem with me; they simply chose someone more qualified. How do qualify myself for retail jobs?? I wasn't aware there were qualifications to be hired at Taco Bell or some other crummy joint.

This is where my frustration stems from. Its enough that I'm not getting hired but telling me I'm not qualified to even work at Taco Bell is a blow to my confidence.

I crawled out of homelessness one step at a time. I'll admit it wasn't easy that first year. There were many kind people who helped me along the way. Showing me how the world works and how to be responsible for myself. Every action has a reaction in the world, deliberately making choices and actions that created the life I wanted one step at a time was how I went about it. I did simple jobs at first, babysitting and cleaning. I got a room in an attic for real cheap, was cold but it was not the streets. Got better jobs and was very careful with my money.

Deciding what I wanted and breaking it down into small steps, and then doing those steps. Realizing that my own actions create my own future was a big one for me. If I wanted to be respected, I had to be an honest person. If I wanted to have security I had to make sure I balanced my checkbook and chose where I lived carefully. If I wanted to have a better life I had to learn everything I could so I could make it happen. "Work smarter, not harder." Is the old saying.

I got into community college just by applying. I found out my state gives non-degree grants to people who want to take a class. It paid for my whole first class. I deliberately took the first semester course which teaches you "how to college." That is exactly what I wanted, to learn how the system works so I can get what I want from it. (This is the key I have found, in anything, find out how things work and then you can create what you want from it). I got a student recognition award for that course because I worked really hard to do well and my advisors helped me apply for scholarships.

When you turn the tables on the world by taking action and making choices the world stops "happening to you" YOU start Happening to the world.

You somehow try to find it in yourself.

Colleges offer courses like that? Hm... the FSCJ Kent campus is nearby, I'll swing by Monday and see if they offer this program to seniors currently in highschool.

Great idea

If not, they should be able to direct you to resources and help give you more ideas.

Im sorry these years have been awful for you.

When i was in high school, i was emancipated from my parents and homeless for the last year. I worked hard and went to night classes just to graduate early so i could have more time to work and afford a place to live, other than my car.

My husband was emancipated from his parents at 14. He was homeless and he walked to school everyday until he graduated. He ended up working fast food jobs so he could eat and afford a room in an abandoned house with no heat or air.

He eventually ended up working in film as an actor and voices for cartoons. When he took my to a red carpet premire in California, it really showed how hard work through the hardest times will make you much stronger in the future.

Keep your goal at finishing hs, even if you have to do it online. And work odd jobs and partime so you can afford your freedom away from your familys home.

Now years past the situation, he and i both agree that those lonley years were the years that turned us into strong adults now. I promise it geta better, just keep pushing forward.

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I will respectfully disagree with the whole "hard times make you stronger" idea, because it's such a "one size fits all" argument. I've been through emotional hell since I was a child (was undiagnosed bipolar until I was 23), and everyone around me treated me like I was bad and wrong, so I learned that I was useless and a failure from a very early age. This has stuck with me, and has crippled me in many ways.

Being bullied in secondary school (grades 8-10), and going through hell in upper secondary (grades 11-13) as a result of it, did not make me strong; it nearly destroyed me. I had no emotional support. Yes, my parents were there to a certain extent, I had a roof over my head and was fed and clothed, and I did have my own pony (my family lives on a farm), and all of this probably made me look spoiled, but I wasn't really. I would rather have felt loved than just "provided for". Now I'm 27 and have spent six years trying to get a bachelor that should only have taken three years, and I feel worthless. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I grew up feeling criticised and unwanted, even if my parents weren't doing it on purpose. I always felt like everything was my fault, and because everyone around me disliked me and judged me I started doing the same thing to myself. I self-abuse emotionally, and have been doing so for as long as I can remember.

I do know, in theory, that I am supposed to make myself a better person, that I am in charge of my own life, and that there is this whole list of "saintly" actions that I'm expected to carry out in order to make an inspiring example of myself. I am not trying to offend those of you who are telling your success stories, not at all - I am very happy for you, and that you had the strength to endure those hard times is, indeed, inspiring. However, does that make me "weak", somehow? Because I'm doing the best I can.

Here's what has made me stronger this past year, though: love. As stupid as it may sound to some of you, love has made me stronger. Learning to love and being loved in return has built me up more than any "rough times" ever have, because if you don't feel loved, you will shut down emotionally. I did. I had to, otherwise I wouldn't have survived it; it was my nervous system's way of protecting me. But that is no way to live, and it makes you very unhealthy. We all need love.

So that's what I wish for you more than anything else: that you'll find someone to love, because love makes you grow, and it makes life worth living. If you feel all alone, like no one loves you, how can you function very well in life? Emotional development is one of the fundamental things about being human, and if we have been deprived of it (not felt loved by parents etc) we haven't had the chance to develop the way we should have in order to become healthy and happy people.

For me, it has been my therapist at university; she has shown me love, and as a result I am learning how to love other people as well. I still have a long way to go, but it has made me stronger, and more equipped to deal with life.

And maybe this all sounds like drivel, but it's the only thing that has helped me. So I would really recommend finding a therapist or a social worker or similar, someone who will support you emotionally and perhaps show you what love is, so you can find the strength within you to reach your goals.

To be honest, I've never really had any ambitions. I was taught, both directly and indirectly, that I had to be smart and do well in school, and that if I didn't I was a failure and should be ashamed of myself. I didn't feel loved, or even wanted, by my parents. I felt like a burden. So I shut down, and now I can't finish this degree because I am not sure why I should even want it. I spend a lot of time not wanting to be alive, because being alive has never felt particularly nice. I have pushed through, I have fought many battles to defeat demons and stay alive, but it has never made me stronger. It has always left me weaker, more vulnerable, prone to subsequent episodes of depression that have continued to destroy my soul. It didn't feel like I had anything to live for, because no one cared - at least not in a way that I could feel. But having learned what love is, what it feels like, and putting that into other relationships outside of therapy, that has made all the difference.

So don't quit high school. Soldier on. But know that you can't keep going it alone indefinitely, and that the one thing that'll really make you stronger is love - meaningful relationships with other people. You just have to learn how to find them.

Sorry for this sappy rant. It's just my own experience of life, I suppose, and what I would want for other people as well. But we all have to find our own way.

I like another poster on here was a complete wreck in highschool the years of abuse and emotional neglect finally took there toll on my life and I crashed hard. It started with drugs that "friends" were taking then moved into sexual situations and finally my dropping out of highschool all together. It took me a while to realize that I basically was trying to die and I should have. Then I met him it was an emotional and physically abusive relationship, I was a stripper at the time and just not giving a damn. After years of abuse in this relationship something in me changed and I started to fight back and I started to stand up for myself no matter the cost. I am NOT saying that this is what you need to become a stronger person to learn it took many many years of fighting to become the person that I am now. You are still young you will have many more years of trials and tribulations not all you will defeat but all you will learn and grow from. Just make sure you have a strong mind and a will to get through because without that you will crumble. This may seem a harsh way to speak to some but I learned a harsh way. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm bluntly honest and will help if I can.

I think by making it to your 18th birthday you will become an actual survivor of abuse. I don't think you're a victim. Victims don't write on forums, especially when they're your age. Job rejections are hard no matter what age you are.