Possible Progress with EMDR

I haven't posted in a while. I spent some time trying to figure out what I wanted to do, then got a little extra shove! I had been seeing a therapist, but didn't feel it was helping, even though he decided I should go from EW to EOW. He was also pushing me to confront my step mother and father about the abuse and there was just NO WAY I was even close to being able to do that. So, I stopped going to therapy. I didn't know if I wanted to find another or what.

Then in July, we had the police shootings here in Dallas. I work in the building across the street from the shooting locations and my building and parking garage were closed for several days. My husband is a retired police officer and his brother still is. So, this all hit VERY close to heart and home. For the first 3 days at home, I was fine, just angry, and started getting a little cabin fever and wanted to get back to work. When we could get back to the office, I went in and just couldn't handle it. I spent the next two days in bed in tears.

This convinced me I had to go back to therapy. I found a therapist who is certified in EMDR and wanted to see if I would be a candidate for that. I really like this woman. She is the complete opposite from the previous guy. We have done one session of EMDR, which she called incomplete, but I am not sure what that means. But, wow, I think it made a difference already! I was able to make a really difficult decision and have a difficult conversation that previously, just would not have happened!

Then when my dad texted me about his new puppy, I was polite, and said oh btw, I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and am doing EMDR therapy. He said he didn't know what that was. I tried to explain, and he COMPLETELY ignored it. Went right on talking about the damned dog. SMH. Now, if you knew me and my family, you would understand how previously that would have never happened, I would have had a panic attack even thinking about saying that to him, and his reaction would have just sunk me. Now, I am pissed at him, really, disgusted with him. I still cant believe how he can just ignore all of this, BUT, it isn't killing me. My family doesn't discuss anything except really superficial issues. Hey, got a new dog, got a new truck. etc. No feelings, no bad stuff. No past. But I just did it, without dying. YAY!

I am continuing with the EMDR. It wasn't easy. I totally didn't expect what happened, but wow. But for me to make such headway after one session, I am definitely continuing!

This is great news. After learning about EMDR roughly a year ago, my gut was (is) telling me what a powerful tool it can be for so many people. I haven't had an opportunity to pursue it myself due to geographic (non)availability, but knowing it is out there is so relieving.

Your changing therapists was a great move, even if it wasn't planned out.

I have another appointment today and now I am as nervous today as I was excited about the progress earlier in the week.

It is amazing how it yanks emotions out of you and so I am really nervous about what will come out of me today.

Sounds like you found the right therapist with the right psychotherapy for you! I thought I'd add a bit more about EMDR therapy...

As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD (acute and chronic), anxiety, social anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

EMDR therapy is considered a first-line treatment for trauma by organizations such as ISTSS (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies), the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the Department of Veteran Affairs, the Department of Defense, the Departments of Health in Northern Ireland, UK, Israel, the Netherlands, France, and other countries and organizations.

The World Health Organization published Guidelines for the management of conditions that are specifically related to stress: Trauma-focused CBT and EMDR are the only therapies recommended for children, adolescents and adults with PTSD. "Like CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR therapy aims to reduce subjective distress and strengthen adaptive cognitions related to the traumatic event. Unlike CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR does not involve (a) detailed descriptions of the event, (b) direct challenging of beliefs, (c) extended exposure, or (d) homework." (Geneva, WHO, 2013)

One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR psychotherapy involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.

In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

I can't say enough good things about EMDR therapy. It's changed my life both as a person/consumer, and as a therapist. It has been so satisfying to have someone come in for help and then to witness them get through their issues and finish therapy relatively quickly (compared to regular talk therapy, it's like night and day). I am both humbled by and grateful for this wonderful method that heals suffering.

Patti, Thank you for all that information!
We did do the safe/calm place and that is helpful. The processes sound about like what is going on in therapy so it seems she is probably doing it right.
This week was definitely easier and we did some positive stuff. It was pretty awesome to have some very positive thoughts and think, WOW, that was never even an option before!
Thanks so much.

I am feeling a happiness, lightness, lately that I don't think I have ever felt before! I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, like I am not walking on eggshells all the time. I know there is still a ton of work for me to do, but this is a feeling I don't think I have ever felt before.

I am looking forward to tomorrow's appointment. Last cpl sessions we worked on the trigger of yelling, being yelled at makes/made me feel that I was wrong, regardless of that being true or not! It was this pervasive fear I walked around with on my shoulders every day. I wrote above that the weight of that has so been lifted! I am still fearful of not being able to react appropriately when or If it does happen though. This stems from memories of my SM yelling and threatening to hit my 2 year old daughter and the fact that when it happened, I froze, I couldn't defend her, I couldn't react. So this appointment I want to work on that! I am just so excited that these deep and pervasive fears and anxieties are finally being resolved for real!

Great ! I do very well with EMDR too !

I am actually getting a little bit giddy about this! LOL! I have been walking around snickering for the last couple days! So, my stepmother/abuser unfriended me on facebook a few years back, she says cause of my political stuff, which I think was BS.

But, Dad doesn't have FB, but he has an instagram and we follow each other there. Dad also will not even have a discussion with me about my accusations against SM or any of the other CRAP in my childhood. So, yesterday I started posting child abuse meme's on my instagram! LOL! Its making me feel a little giddy!