[TishaBuv]

There is so much drama in my family involving my mom, her three daughters (me), and her sister. We're caught up in it again now because mom has run out of money and her health is failing. She's 80, just broke both her wrists, and the doctors want to do surgery on one wrist.

It would take me writing a book to describe all that has gone on so far over this crisis du jour.

Long story short, I know that no matter how much I do for her it will never be enough. In her eyes I am only as good as the last good thing I did for her.

She is a master manipulator. I know her motive is to use me and pretend like she is totally innocent. She doesn't have to do this. She simply could have asked me for help instead of causing a shyt storm, but that's not her way.

Mostly, I will just give her what she wants because I want to be a good daughter and it is the right thing to do, even if she has been a nasty b about it.

This time, I have somewhere else I am supposed to be that is for business.

When I told her I couldn't be there in case she was counting on me for help. She said very snippily "Why would I count on you? I never count on you for anything." Stabbing me with words, hanging up in a huff.

I have never and will never speak to my children like she speaks to me!

I won't fight with her. I won't show her how hurt I feel. I won't let her manipulate me.

I don't even want her to have the surgery. It is another unnecessary surgery that I told her not to do, but she's going to go do anyway.

I can step out of this without feeling any guilt.

[nicoleflynn]

You might want to consider writing a letter of Restorative Justice.....that says, this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. I feel that is empowering; you can keep it or give it to her. She won't be able to deny it or overtalk you.

You might have said to those cruel words.......Since you feel that way, please continue to not count on me. Of course she would be angry, etc....Abusers hate to be called on their behavior...I had a mother like that; she died at 93. ..she did change in her later years, but the damage was done. xo

A book which might help you: Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

[TishaBuv]

The other day we were discussing that I really do have PTSD and she admitted she has it, too.

We were talking about the triggers, and she said that I must have been triggered by my dog getting killed by my school bus and how we left our cats behind when we left our house, and the eerie way the cat's son returned, now ferrel, at that moment as if to say goodbye to my father who was the only one he let pet him, right before my father died.

I told her that those things really didn't traumatize me over all this time, but how she bought me that cute black outfit and made me feel all excited about getting it, only to realize while wearing it at my father's funeral, that she had bought it for me for that purpose, and how she didn't even tell me my father was dying!

She said that she thought that was for the best and she'd do it exactly the same again!