Relationship with mom is done! Need hugs!

She and I have always had a rocky relationship. I seem to be the target she focuses on. She treats my other younger sisters with admiration and love.

I've heard ALL her sexual escapades and when I tell her to back off or zip it, she persists. Even "no contact" for a few years didn't change things.

I tried, for the sake of my grown daughters (22 year old twins) to make things smoother. I just cannot do this any longer! One daughter came into town yesterday and last night my mom started getting nosy about my daughter and her sisters sex lives.

So, after 2 weeks of prayer and reflection, this is the answer I got. I asked for a sign and I got it! Besides college graduation and their future weddings, I am COMPLETELY done with her!! No words or phrase can describe the hurt.

I need good thoughts, prayers and hugs. This hurts and I'm completely done with letting her hurt me. I cannot control how my girls react, but pretty much they think she's a kook.

So broken in Ohio..

(((((hugs))))) I am so sorry you have had to make this decision.

Hello Cat_Lover_58: I'm sorry you have had to make this most difficult decision. But what must be, must be. I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

Thank you both for your kind words. The nervousness & pains in my stomach have lessened some and I was able to work on my family history files! I'm heading home soon to read a good book and later get a good night's sleep!

Best of luck and I hope you heal and recover from this.

My mother was nosy as well. I had no contact with her for many years until just before she passed away.

This honestly reminds me so much of my grandma and mom. My grandma is extremely nosy and interested in what my mom is doing every second of every day. And she will also ask my mom what I'm doing and who I'm seeing and where I am all the time. Unfortunately, my mom is turning out the same way and won't give me hardly any space... It drives me nuts!!
I'm 21, by the way.
Good luck! I have a feeling one day I too will have to cut ties.

Hi Cat Lover,

It sounds like you've been through a lot with your mom
And I've got to massively commend you on the decision you've made, it seems like she's been a really toxic person in your life...........and just because she's your mom does not entitle her to behave like that/treat you like that, or mean that you have to tolerate it.

So well done on putting yourself, your feelings and your well-being first...........you deserve to do that..........just as you deserved more from your mom

And sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs:


Alison

*hugs* I'm proud of you for getting her out of your life. You deserve the best.

Be strong.
You can do this!
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Dear Cat Lover. I'm a cat lover, too, by the way. They sure give me a lot of love and support. I definitely can relate to your decision/action to cut your mom out of your life. I have done that with my sister. She nibbles me to death like a duck -- and her two sons, too, both of whom have lived with this nibbling all their lives and are now in their 40s. I did a months-long "no contact" a long time ago. I liked it that way, but my brother told me that my sister was "devastated" and urged me to reinstate contact. So I reluctantly did. I told her recently how much I'd appreciated that she improved our communication then, and she snapped back, "It was YOU who changed." Not! She takes no responsibility for her argumentativeness, and challenging/disagreeing with just about everything I say. She says she didn't say something, when she did. And that I said something I did not say. When that was on the phone, it was confusing and sorta crazymaking, but when we started communicating via email,I had PROOF. Her confused/confusing challenges were there in black and white. So that's when I told her never to contact me, not by phone, not by email, letter or any other way for any reason whatsoever. She has, however, emailed me twice. I bit and answered. Never again. If she attempts to contact me, I will ignore, delete, hang up phone, or whatever it takes to convince her I am serious about no contact. Oh, regarding my sister being "devastated" by my no contact years ago, here's my interpretation. Family unity is the #1 thing in her life. To be cut off from a family member is was devastated. Does she love me? Not in a way I can understand. She has always sent beautiful holiday, birthday, and Valentine's Day cards to me, with hand written notes of affection saying I'm "a wonderful sister!" But her behavior does not fit these words. She has isolated me from her sons and granddaughter, made no effort to include me in her frequent times with my grand niece. I didn't even get to see my grand niece until she was four years old, except once when she was less than a year. We live less than 30 minutes apart by car (her mode), and 1 hour by public transit (my mode).