[TerriLynn]

What recurring problems do you have due to being neglected or abandoned.

One of the things I have a big issue with is appointments. I HATE making appointments, hair, dentist, etc. I don't know what that is about. But especially when I make an appointment with someone who is supposed to meet me somewhere, or at the house for a repair. Even making plans with friends. I never really believe they are going to be there. I will watch the clock and at 1 minute after, I am assuming the worst. It is very stressful.

This is what we are going to work on in EMDR this week.

How has being abandoned or neglected affected you?

[ImmerAllein]

Originally Posted by TerriLynn

How has being abandoned or neglected affected you?

I've learned to take care of myself

[TerriLynn]

Ok, let me rephrase then. How has it negatively affected you? What things do you do today that are unhealthy because of it?

not so much anymore, but, i used to refuse to take care of myself because i felt like i didnt deserve it. it is still extremely hard for me to trust anyone.

[MtnTime2896]

I have some real trust issues. Not as much with strangers (even though I do I have a problem there that is more related to a different past trauma). People I generally care about who are close to me tend to be where it really reveals itself. If you're a stranger and you say you'll do something, sure whatever; of course I don't rely on their follow through but it really doesn't stress me out. When they're people I know and say they'll do something, meet me, talk with me or help me in any way; not only do I not believe them, I get this overwhelming feeling like they really don't even care and I'm just a burden to them if they actually do follow through. I actually prefer it when they don't. That stems from whenever my dad would do something for me, like give me two dollars for lunch, and then proceed to make me feel guilty as hell for accepting his help. He'd go into detail how it was such a burden to by food for the week and so on. It's weird because I feel like they'll let me down but I'd rather they do that than actually follow through. Don't know how much sense that actually makes but there you go.
I also have trouble with the appointment thing, too. I just don't make them and it's caused me a lot of problems. I currently need surgery, a PET scan, and a follow up and refuse to make any of them actually happen. Didn't know why but what you described sounds a lot like me and it makes sense, sorry I don't have any advice to help out on that one.

[TerriLynn]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I have some real trust issues. Not as much with strangers (even though I do I have a problem there that is more related to a different past trauma). People I generally care about who are close to me tend to be where it really reveals itself. If you're a stranger and you say you'll do something, sure whatever; of course I don't rely on their follow through but it really doesn't stress me out. When they're people I know and say they'll do something, meet me, talk with me or help me in any way; not only do I not believe them, I get this overwhelming feeling like they really don't even care and I'm just a burden to them if they actually do follow through. I actually prefer it when they don't. That stems from whenever my dad would do something for me, like give me two dollars for lunch, and then proceed to make me feel guilty as hell for accepting his help. He'd go into detail how it was such a burden to by food for the week and so on. It's weird because I feel like they'll let me down but I'd rather they do that than actually follow through. Don't know how much sense that actually makes but there you go.
I also have trouble with the appointment thing, too. I just don't make them and it's caused me a lot of problems. I currently need surgery, a PET scan, and a follow up and refuse to make any of them actually happen. Didn't know why but what you described sounds a lot like me and it makes sense, sorry I don't have any advice to help out on that one.

So leigheas- I totally understand what you are saying. I think you would rather them actually not show up because it affirms what you believe and is easier to handle than the distress of them actually showing up. I am not looking for advice, I just wanted to compare some of the things I deal with to what others do. See if I can pinpoint a couple of my issues and see if they are related.

[TerriLynn]

So, last week my T and I worked on neglect and abandonment by my mother in the EMDR session. It was a little rough. I really felt the little girl for probably the first time ever. She was scared, really really scared. Cringing. And then for some reason I shut down. I refused to go further, I was done. No more. I either didn't want to know what was next, or something. I don't know. More to work on I guess.

[Unrigged64072835]

I have a really hard time opening up to people, even with the shyness and introversion included. It's either all-or-nothing. I probably said things to people I shouldn't have because they gave an inkling of care my way. Nowadays I don't speak to anyone except for a close few.

[MyPOV]

My issues is feelings of shame and depression -- I internalized feelings of shame and "not being good enough" at an early age due to my mother and father's level of engagement -- particularly my fathers lack of providing and attention other than what he felt was interesting -- i.e. sports sports sports...I hated sports a little boy.

My mother was overwhelmed by me and her own depression and pass that feeling of not being good enough on to me...which I carry even today, some 40 years later.

[TerriLynn]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I have a really hard time opening up to people, even with the shyness and introversion included. It's either all-or-nothing. I probably said things to people I shouldn't have because they gave an inkling of care my way. Nowadays I don't speak to anyone except for a close few.

OMG, meee tooo!

We worked on that a couple weeks ago, my inability to make friends, and then when I meet someone I think I want to make my friend I CHASE them! Overshare, etc. I realized that it is not friendship I am looking for from them, it is the positive reinforcement I get from me talking to them and them actually listening. Like Pavlov's dog. Someone is nice, or listens to me, and I keep going back. But in a compulsive manner. When I would walk past them at work, I would feel this overwhelming compulsion to go talk to them, to get that positive feedback. Now, its gone for the most part! I love it, it is so freeing!