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#1
Oct 23, 2016, 08:46 PM
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Earlier this year, I tried to initiate a conversation with my Dad about the physical abuse he inflcited. He laughed and said he didn't remember.
Tonight, I tried to initiate a conversation with my brother about his role in a CPS investigation regarding me when we were kids (I received info that he basically lied to CPS about the abuse in our household. This was so I "wouldn't break up the family".) He didn't remember either. WTF is up with these people? Why is it that if I did something, then by god they'll remember the outfit they wore, but if they inflict anything on me THEY CAN'T REMEMBER? |
 Aardwolf, Anonymous59125, MtnTime2896, ThisWayOut
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 leomama
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#2
Oct 23, 2016, 08:52 PM
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I don't know  but I would suggest you not pursue the matter further with them. Talk to us, your therapist, if you have one. Do you attend a church or any 12 step groups?
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#3
Oct 23, 2016, 08:56 PM
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Thanks LeoMama. I have a therapist and a church. I can't wait to tell my therapist about this.
I guess I still expect too damn much. |
| leomama
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#4
Oct 23, 2016, 09:12 PM
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It's ok. I would suggest you also talk to your priest or pastor and people you might trust in church. I get what you are saying . |
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#5
Oct 24, 2016, 12:51 PM
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Hmmm, this seems to be a problem that goes all the way up the social ladder in this country of ours, ever notice that?
My point is that it isn't just "you" that gets challenged with this kind of problem. Truth is that people are now very aware of "what you say can and will be used against you". So we now have a great deal of overall social dysfunction going on in our overall society now. |
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#6
Oct 24, 2016, 03:02 PM
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They do remember. They 'choose' denial because it suits their agenda. Selective memory.
No point trying to thrash it out with them, maybe find a therapist to talk to find ways of coping with a toxic family. |
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#7
Oct 24, 2016, 06:27 PM
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It is human nature to deny what makes us uncomfortable. I sure as hell do it all the time to myself about my feelings.
In your case, as in mine, people will simply deny all knowledge of something. Why ? It makes them uncomfortable being confronted about it. Actually it's very likely ! I used to quite enjoy watching my parents squirm, but i digress. Humans do not like the "balance" upset, we will do everything we can to stop it, and it if means denying someone the truth, then in some people's opinion it is worth it. It would appear you've hit a brick wall with that family member. If they cannot be open and honest with you, then really ? They're not worth taking to in the first place. I know it is difficult not to feel anger and hatred towards these people, but remember they considered themselves "above" you, and likely still do. It may not feel like it (and it usually doesn't) but you are now free from that. Consider yourself a much better person for it, by not bowing to thier lack of standards. Stand tall, be proud. You are an individual and you are free. You are not stuck in the "fairytale" bubble that they are !
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
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#8
Oct 24, 2016, 10:00 PM
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Thank you to all who replied. I have just started therapy and it means so much to hear these things.
My family likes to play the "you don't love us" card when I choose to not participate in family events or communicate with them. Having someone finally tell me that they are toxic and I don't have to pander to them is very empowering. |
| Open Eyes
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| leomama
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#9
Oct 26, 2016, 05:49 AM
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A toxic family can weave a web of lies around you, gaslight you so much you are confused, insecure and wonder if you are crazy. You are not crazy. You are a survivor and you can make good if you are prepared to work at it, because successfully managing trauma is hard work. The lies, denial and 'rewriting' of history to suit is a sort of collective madness, a conspiracy to control the truth. This is why I like Scott Pecks books, like 'The People Of The Lie' (the first half is excellent, second half rubbish he goes all religious and I am not religious) because it reflected my own experiences. Mother told me I was fat, ugly, stupid, that I would never have any friends as no one would ever like me. And I believed it leading to anxiety disorders and crippling social phobia. But it was ALL LIES. Took me 3 years of self help/therapy to rid myself of these false beliefs. You can do it. |
| PumpkinPieHead
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#10
Oct 28, 2016, 01:42 AM
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#11
Oct 28, 2016, 02:32 AM
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What are you talking about? I was advising the op to talk to their priest/pastor/fellow parishioners for support. I know I converted to a religion in my early 20s because I was looking for a new family. |
| Rainstoppedplay
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#12
Oct 28, 2016, 04:24 AM
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If it helps, I'm not responding to my father's political emails nor am I initiating contact with my mother or brother. I've got two alternate plans for Thanksgiving this year. I don't know what I'm going to do about Christmas yet . |
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#13
Oct 28, 2016, 08:36 AM
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My family doesn't even get together for the holidays. That's another story.
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| leomama
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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