[WrkNPrgress]

I'd love to hear from anyone who has dealt with emotional abuse from a partner and left the relationship.

A lot of emotional abuse takes place indoors, away from everyone else's view. From the outside, everything looks fine because Abusers know how to behave in front of others.

I left my ex over 6 months ago. This person verbally abused me periodically for a number of years. In bad fights she would erupt into a tirade of verbal abuse and said horrible things to me, manipulated me. Afterward, she would apologize and acknowledge she was 'out of control' but then blame me for 'driving her crazy'. She was also controlling and manipulative in everyday ways, wronging me for the slightest things. Putting me on the defensive for how I dress, when I had a drink, how I would spend my money, or what I would choose NOT to spend it on, when I had dirt on my shoes, when I was out a little longer than I said I would be, how I slept ...etc. I still have her words in my head and I am still recovering from her abuse but of course, the thing is nobody else saw it.

I never talked about it to others while I was in the relationship but I have tried to talk about it since and I'm still finding it hard to talk about with my friends, especially the ones we have in common. When I do talk about it or make any passing reference to it, I feel like they all get quiet. or worse, they question my experience. I had one person actually ask me what qualified emotional abuse over just 'fighting'. I feel like there's an air of "just get over it." They don't want to engage or inquire about my feeling in the conversation and it hurts. My own Mother told me 'to take the hight road' because she feared that I would be the one who looked like the drama queen.

I have said, and I almost mean it, that I wish she had hit me physically instead. For some reason, physical abuse is so much easier for other people to understand. If she had hit me, kicked me, punched me. Nobody would be silent when I tried to talk about it. Nobody would be inviting her to parties that I'm expected to attend. Nobody would question why I don't want to be around her and will not be in the same room wit her ever again.

[nicoleflynn]

I left after 31 years of verbal abuse.....the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; I feel it should be required reading. Verbal abuse is literally brainwashing. The abuse has nothing to do with you, but with the abuser who is acting out their anger and rage about their issues. Not only did I talk about it with anyone who would listen, I wrote a paper, Society's Hidden Pandemic, Verbal Abuse, Precursor to Physical Violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault,and presented it at my State's Psychological Association; it has been my goal for the past 15 years to educate the public; I have been on numerous radio stations and in the paper; I want to speak on National Television. Verbal abuse is rampant,and rarely talked about, nor understood.

It is sad most people do not understand what verbal abuse is; it is not an argument or a fight.....it is the systematic destruction, ongoing of another human being......"shredding of the soul." "When you blame me, you shame me and keep me silent."

Cortisol damages the immune system,and everytime you are under assault, your body releases cortisol.

Don't stop talking about it;perhaps you can open someone else's eyes. I shall never be silent and will continue to work on speaking on television.

The same techniques used in pOW camps are the same techniques used by an abuser.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

My own Mother told me to 'take the high road' because she feared I would be the one who looked like the drama queen.

I agree with you completely, and I think what your mother said kind of summarizes the leanings of many people when there are no visible scars. In my own case as a passive-aggressive working hard at no longer being like that, I see this also as a form of bullying. For example:

I pretty much "live in my chair" because of chronic back trouble, and my wife has grown accustomed to bringing meals to me here in my chair...and over time I have inconsiderately grown accustomed to telling her to "Just set it anywhere" rather than reaching away from my computer on my lap to receive the meal from her. She never just brings it here and sets it down, however, and this morning I snapped "Just set it down" and she immediately burst into tears and asked "Why do you talk to me like that?" I have since decided (and have told her) I will from now on always stop whatever I am doing and reach up to receive what she has brought since anything less would be abusive of what she does and manipulative for my own convenience even though many people might say she should just "tale the high road" and set the plate down and walk away.