[MtnTime2896]

I never really made a heavily conscious decision to leave my situation. It just kind of happened when I meant my fiance and we started dating. I just gradually moved in with him. The whole time, he was wanting me to move in faster because of certain circumstances in my home life. So, in a sense, I was conscious of the fact that I needed to leave but it was never like, "Oh, I'm tired of being abused and subjected to constant berating by my dad. I think I need to do what's best for me." Honestly, it was more like, "Alright, I'll move in quicker. Don't see why, though," because the truth is until this past year I never actually realized I was even abused. The word didn't make sense when applied to me because it wasn't like the situations I'd helped people out of in the past (at least I didn't think so). I remember that over time and talking with a friend of mine about our lives/upbringings, she pointed out, "I'm so sorry for all of the things you've been through."
I looked at her like she said the most moronic thing I'd ever heard, almost like, "What sort of soap opera **** do you think I've been through?" <(By the way, that's still my current reaction to this sort of thing). Even now that I've verbally admitted to being abused and have expressed my emotions towards it, I don't fully believe that I had it all that rough. However, the reactions I receive when talking about my upbringing are all similar to my friend's. I honestly believe luck was what got me out of my situation; I don't think "strength of character" had much to do with it.

Am I still blindfolded about this?

[PumpkinPieHead]

For me, it was a gradual thing. I am seeing that take place here.

Ya know, no one ever used the word abuse (They never do anything wrong) and finally, I said "This is abuse." Then I said, "I'm not going to take it anymore." Then I said, "I deserve the best, and I will not tolerate anything less."

And then, well, the rest is history

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

For me, it was a gradual thing. I am seeing that take place here.

Ya know, no one ever used the word abuse (They never do anything wrong) and finally, I said "This is abuse." Then I said, "I'm not going to take it anymore." Then I said, "I deserve the best, and I will not tolerate anything less."

And then, well, the rest is history

Thanks, buddy. I really enjoy talking to you and admire where you are now and how far you've come. I appreciate you always being there for me.

My heart breaks for you. I didn't realize I was abused either....I thought everyone went through what I did or something. I was always told how spoiled I was and how lucky. I don't think anyone knows what that does to an abused kid....to call them spoiled and lucky. Around age 15 I had a breakdown and the cops asked my friend "what is wrong with her" and she said "she's severely abused". Actually I was freaking out because I was a victim of a violent crime about 30 minutes before and I don't know why my friend said the stuff about being abused. It she did and it opened my eyes a tiny bit. Flash forward DECADES and I'm just now realizing the trauma I went through. My moms always known....my best friend....my husband....but not me.

So I can understand that part. I'm glad you got away. I hope you find a way to heal the wounds inside you. (((Hugs)))

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

My heart breaks for you. I didn't realize I was abused either....I thought everyone went through what I did or something. I was always told how spoiled I was and how lucky. I don't think anyone knows what that does to an abused kid....to call them spoiled and lucky. Around age 15 I had a breakdown and the cops asked my friend "what is wrong with her" and she said "she's severely abused". Actually I was freaking out because I was a victim of a violent crime about 30 minutes before and I don't know why my friend said the stuff about being abused. It she did and it opened my eyes a tiny bit. Flash forward DECADES and I'm just now realizing the trauma I went through. My moms always known....my best friend....my husband....but not me.

So I can understand that part. I'm glad you got away. I hope you find a way to heal the wounds inside you. (((Hugs)))

I'm sorry you went through so much. And yeah, I wish people knew what being told "You're lucky" and "You're spoiled" really does to a kid who endures these things. That happened to me daily, whenever I'd show any sort of resistance towards my parents. My mom stopped eventually but my dad does it to this day.

So that happened to you too? (((Hugs))). I'm so sorry they said that. They would say "you don't know how lucky you have it and kids have it much worse" after doing something very traumatic. I knew people did have it worse so I guess I did see myself as lucky and then in turn didn't have high expectations of how people should treat me. Now I fear I'm in the opposite direction and offending unintentionally. We need to stand up for ourselves but not cross a line.

How far are you in the healing process? I'm just really starting.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

So that happened to you too? (((Hugs))). I'm so sorry they said that. They would say "you don't know how lucky you have it and kids have it much worse" after doing something very traumatic. I knew people did have it worse so I guess I did see myself as lucky and then in turn didn't have high expectations of how people should treat me. Now I fear I'm in the opposite direction and offending unintentionally. We need to stand up for ourselves but not cross a line.

How far are you in the healing process? I'm just really starting.

A lot of stuff happened. Physical, emotional, psychological... just a lot of stuff. Some other things happened, too that didn't involve my parents but still screwed with me, to put it lightly. I don't know how far I am in my healing process, to be honest. My doc doesn't was to start on that until my BD is better managed, understandably. It's easy to slide into unintentional lashing out and offensive behavior, but with enough work it's possible to get better about it. That took me a while and I still slip up, but I'm much better than I used to be. Seeing others go through worse very much validates the whole "I am lucky" train of thought. I'm glad you got past it.

[Fuzzybear]

I was called "spoiled" and "selfish" - I know some had it much worse. I had a fiancé (I met him at university) who was also abusive but sometimes lovely - very smart too, too smart for me. I was going to "escape" with him but the abuse got worse from him (physical etc as well as emotional) and the parents threw me out (permanently) before I got it together to leave. Grr me. You are very strong ((((( hugs )))))