[littlethistle]

I wasn't abused, just neglected. Some physical neglect but mostly isolation and emotional neglect. I'm not sure if I am strange because of that or if it would have happened anyway. I feel my world is different from other people's. Like mine is more alive.

I have just started looking into effects of neglect because I thought it was the same as abuse and it is not. So I have a lot to learn. I do OK in life.

[AlittleUnsteady]

I consider neglect as abuse. Really, it could be a type of emotional abuse. I was neglected, abused sexually, physically, verbally, and emotionally, and I feel like the neglect did the most damage to me. It gave me the message that I don't matter, that I'm worthless and unimportant. I was never actually told those things through words, but through the neglect and behavior of my mother, mostly. I spent all of my childhood wondering what was wrong with me. What did I do to make my mother not love me. Neglect damages your beliefs about yourself. Neglect is just as damaging as any other abuse. Also, everyone is affected in different ways. It's not always a textbook response. Everyone is different. Don't invalidate yourself. It's not your fault.

[littlethistle]

I heard the reactions and effects ate different with neglect comparing to those from abuse.

[AlittleUnsteady]

Originally Posted by littlethistle

I heard the reactions and effects ate different with neglect comparing to those from abuse.

I'm not sure that I understand your last statement. Neglect is a form of abuse. Just like emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual are forms of abuse. Neglect is not any less severe than these other types of abuse. It is still damaging. Kids can be taken away from homes for neglect, just like with physical, sexual abuse.

Every type of abuse has different consequences, because they are all different. My sexual abuse made me terrified of my physical space being invaded, and many other things. The neglect I endured made me feel worthless, like I don't matter. It made me hate who I am as a person. They all have different consequences, but they're all still abuse and all very harmful.

[littlethistle]

I'm just getting curious about these things so bear with me. Many here seem to have known stuff for ages and I haven't. I'm trying finally to find a direction in life and see if that is possible. I have only lived for the moment before. It was sometimes OK and sometimes things got very bad. I understand I need a plan but not sure how.

In the past I always thought I needed to fix everything by myself so it is what I did. Now I have realized I can look for people to talk to and also I have a therapist. I have heard neglected people feel a need that is not fulfilled but I don't feel that. And I don't feel fear. I have two main moods, childlike joyful and sort of everything goes kind of meh almost numb. Sometimes I have had times with extreme moods but they usually pass quite fast.

I am embarrased to say but I don't care about others. I don't feel people are anything special. I have friends but if they bore me I leave them and if they leave me I don't get upset. I don't want to hurt people but if I accidentally did I never cared. I feel disconnected from them. I am disconnected from me as well. Some people who are neglected feel inferior. I do not. I don't have feelings like that about me. Not good or bad.

I'm not sure what even to tell from my life. If I say I was left alone as very young in a room with a potty chair it sounds like Genie but no it wasn't anything like that. I went potty myself. Rested on my mattress. Played with the toys I had. And ate cake and drank sqash. Reason I wasn't allowed in the rest of the house was I could walk out or turn on the stove. When my dad was away and my mum worked long hours I guess she didn't know what to do with me. I grew up in a house away from the small village and there was no one else. I guess no child care. Have never asked my mum why no one babysat me. Was not curious until now.

Anyway if I say stupid things just ignore me. And I notice I say the wrong ages a lot for my life when things happened but sometimes I think some stuff was like age three sometimes age five. I have no one to ask so I'm guessing. I do remember what took place though.

My problem areas I now understand I have are

I don't bond with people
I think I have to do everything by myself
I am wreckless and fearless sometimes impulsive
I have no life plan no drive to and also hard to understand how to organize it
I don't take responsibility I use quick fixes
I don't have normal feelings like happy sad scared I have joyful blah and very mad that is all

Now how to fix it? Not sure.

[AlittleUnsteady]

I'm not sure either. Not everyone fits into categories though. Just because you don't relate to other emotions that are put into the neglect spectrum doesn't mean you didn't experience it. Only a mental health professional can help you figure out why you feel the way you do. Even then, a diagnosis doesn't fix it. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by AlittleUnsteady

I consider neglect as abuse. Really, it could be a type of emotional abuse. I was neglected, abused sexually, physically, verbally, and emotionally, and I feel like the neglect did the most damage to me. It gave me the message that I don't matter, that I'm worthless and unimportant. I was never actually told those things through words, but through the neglect and behavior of my mother, mostly. I spent all of my childhood wondering what was wrong with me. What did I do to make my mother not love me. Neglect damages your beliefs about yourself. Neglect is just as damaging as any other abuse. Also, everyone is affected in different ways. It's not always a textbook response. Everyone is different. Don't invalidate yourself. It's not your fault.

[littlethistle]

Not looking for a diagnosis. I just have a therapist. Not a doctor. When I went through different concepts and diagnoses I can see parts in several. Like attachment disorder, sociopathy, dissociation and Aspergers. I don't think I have anything to a hundred per cent so for me I think those boxes don't matter much. I really don't like them much because if I was a sociopath they would just say I can't change.

I don't have a job and I don't want one but I try to tell myself I need to change so I will want to work and do normal things. It just sound so boring! I really don't want to grow up. Part of me tells me it is OK to be a welfare bum for life. But I also dream about buying a house in Norway and I cannot do that without money. I would like being able to open my door and walk out into the wilderness if I wanted. City life is OK but weird. It is a lot about friends and going out. It is a bit artificial. I sometimes hug trees when I see them.

I once when I was younger packed and went out into the wilderness and was gone for over five months. It was nice. Rough ofcourse. I have my friends in my head with me so I am never alone. Or maybe I am always alone. I don't really feel that when I hit send this message will go anywhere. Being in the world can be just like talking to myself. Is that strange?