[hobo2000]

My family on my dad's side experienced a lot of sexual abuse. My dad was sexually assaulted by his brother, my cousins were sexually assaulted by their dad, my dad sexually assaulted his sister and one of my cousins etc. I'm very upset about it all and deeply embarrassed. I have always been a very reserved, sad and anxious type of person, but I've been hypersexual at times and it's surprised even me. I believe I am experiencing repressed memories that are manifesting as somatic experiences, i.e. pain in the groin and genitals and daymares, sometimes I hear these voices telling me 'You're disgusting! No one has ever touched you.' and a voice that accuses me of being a *****.

I keep thinking because of the problems that I have mentally I wonder if I am repressing or forgot abuse while growing up as a child, because it is said that you forget most of your childhood after the age of six, and you don't remember anything from before the age of three. My mom said that she never trusted my cousins or my dad around us as children and that's why she refused to work while we were growing up.

I didn't have much to do with any of my family growing up or that I can remember of but I wonder sometimes if my cousins or my dad touched or acted inappropriately around me as a child.

There was one instance where my oldest cousin, the cousin that my dad molested as a teenager, grabbed me in a store like a monkey and pulled my arm out of socket and tore my ligaments but I don't remember the pain associated with it or anything much before or after that, I mostly just remember the mental imagery, but I certainly understood what was going on at the time--I thought he broke my arm.

Is it possible that I could have forgotten someone touching me or soliciting sexual activity with me before I could form permanent memories associated with that kind of activity? Is it common to forget those kinds of experiences if you do not have someone else as a witness to validate your experience? My sister and I were sexually active together as kids too and I don't know why.

[it'sgrowtime]

I empathize with you, and relate a lot to your experiences and concerns. I have similar questions, too. Ive had to work through the fear, shame, and anxiety that come with these memories and questions so that I will be ready and able to accept any answers I decide upon.

[Persephone518]

Originally Posted by hobo2000

Is it possible that I could have forgotten someone touching me or soliciting sexual activity with me before I could form permanent memories associated with that kind of activity? Is it common to forget those kinds of experiences if you do not have someone else as a witness to validate your experience?

I have these very same questions myself.

Recently, I've made myself acknowledge that there is a possibility that I was sexually abused sometime around the age of 5 or 6 and repressed it completely. The opportunity and circumstances were there (in my case, it would have been my mom's boyfriend/cocaine dealer), and I have most of the "telltale signs" of a survivor of early childhood sexual abuse, but absolutely no memory of any such thing happening. Even my intuition is drawing a blank. I'm told that can happen with repressed memories.

I've been talking extensively with my therapist about it these last few weeks. In all honesty, I'm not bothered by the uncertainty. I'm fine not knowing either way. I can imagine various scenarios of what may have happened in vivid detail and not feel triggered or anxious or otherwise upset in any way. It may have happened, it may not have happened (there's an equal possibility of both), and either way I'm pretty much at peace with it. But that's just my own experience. Of course everyone's mileage will vary.

Thank you for sharing your story and bringing up these important questions. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one in this boat. It can be awkward and uncomfortable having to say "I don't know...maybe" when asked whether you've ever experienced this particular trauma.

[Casey Lopez]

Get the book "Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. It's a self help instructional and symptomal book with case stories of sexual abuse. I know I was sexually abused because based on the book I have several symptoms. Such as making myself so busy I can't think. It's because you're trying not to think of your abuse. I'm always doing something...hope this helps you.

Originally Posted by hobo2000

My family on my dad's side experienced a lot of sexual abuse. My dad was sexually assaulted by his brother, my cousins were sexually assaulted by their dad, my dad sexually assaulted his sister and one of my cousins etc. I'm very upset about it all and deeply embarrassed. I have always been a very reserved, sad and anxious type of person, but I've been hypersexual at times and it's surprised even me. I believe I am experiencing repressed memories that are manifesting as somatic experiences, i.e. pain in the groin and genitals and daymares, sometimes I hear these voices telling me 'You're disgusting! No one has ever touched you.' and a voice that accuses me of being a *****.

I keep thinking because of the problems that I have mentally I wonder if I am repressing or forgot abuse while growing up as a child, because it is said that you forget most of your childhood after the age of six, and you don't remember anything from before the age of three. My mom said that she never trusted my cousins or my dad around us as children and that's why she refused to work while we were growing up.

I didn't have much to do with any of my family growing up or that I can remember of but I wonder sometimes if my cousins or my dad touched or acted inappropriately around me as a child.

There was one instance where my oldest cousin, the cousin that my dad molested as a teenager, grabbed me in a store like a monkey and pulled my arm out of socket and tore my ligaments but I don't remember the pain associated with it or anything much before or after that, I mostly just remember the mental imagery, but I certainly understood what was going on at the time--I thought he broke my arm.

Is it possible that I could have forgotten someone touching me or soliciting sexual activity with me before I could form permanent memories associated with that kind of activity? Is it common to forget those kinds of experiences if you do not have someone else as a witness to validate your experience? My sister and I were sexually active together as kids too and I don't know why.

[MtnTime2896]

Under nine or ten, I believe, it is possible to suppress childhood sexual assault (or at least more likely). I think it's up to five or six when the likelyhood of the memory returning shrinks down to slim to never. Of course, odds have been beaten. There are people who do have memories of trauma starting from age three.

Personally, I don't remember much of my childhood. What I do is very intermittent and I remember plenty of various kinds of abuse. However, my memory doesn't really "kick in" until eighth grade. Even after that, I have lapses in memory. Hell, I have lapses in memory from yesterday because I developed some "undetermined dissociative disorder from recurrent childhood trauma(s)". Sort of a ***** to try and remember what I won't let me remember <<sigh>>
Oh well, it is what it is, I guess. I'm working through it in therapy which is where I suggest you pursue this if you're going to, anyway. I didn't use a therapist in the beginning (I was depressed and having weird symptoms, like the ones you described but didn't see a reason to talk to some T), so when one night the smell of whiskey and someone's blue eyes triggered my first flashback, I didn't know what was happening to me and it sent me on a tailspin.

My own experience, in no way, is me telling you something happened or didn't. Only you can figure that out. I just had an elongated answer to if it is possible and encourage seeking professional advice (trauma therapist is my suggestion as they are qualified and capable of going about this the right way).

[bulimiasaa123]

From what i understand, this is HIGHLY debated over in the medical world. But from my own experiences, i believe it is 100% possible to repress the memories. I personally didn't even remember my own abuse until i saw my abuser and then it all came back to me. I hope you can work through this x

Originally Posted by hobo2000

My family on my dad's side experienced a lot of sexual abuse. My dad was sexually assaulted by his brother, my cousins were sexually assaulted by their dad, my dad sexually assaulted his sister and one of my cousins etc. I'm very upset about it all and deeply embarrassed. I have always been a very reserved, sad and anxious type of person, but I've been hypersexual at times and it's surprised even me. I believe I am experiencing repressed memories that are manifesting as somatic experiences, i.e. pain in the groin and genitals and daymares, sometimes I hear these voices telling me 'You're disgusting! No one has ever touched you.' and a voice that accuses me of being a *****.

I keep thinking because of the problems that I have mentally I wonder if I am repressing or forgot abuse while growing up as a child, because it is said that you forget most of your childhood after the age of six, and you don't remember anything from before the age of three. My mom said that she never trusted my cousins or my dad around us as children and that's why she refused to work while we were growing up.

I didn't have much to do with any of my family growing up or that I can remember of but I wonder sometimes if my cousins or my dad touched or acted inappropriately around me as a child.

There was one instance where my oldest cousin, the cousin that my dad molested as a teenager, grabbed me in a store like a monkey and pulled my arm out of socket and tore my ligaments but I don't remember the pain associated with it or anything much before or after that, I mostly just remember the mental imagery, but I certainly understood what was going on at the time--I thought he broke my arm.

Is it possible that I could have forgotten someone touching me or soliciting sexual activity with me before I could form permanent memories associated with that kind of activity? Is it common to forget those kinds of experiences if you do not have someone else as a witness to validate your experience? My sister and I were sexually active together as kids too and I don't know why.