Repressing and questioning

Things I've been repressing for eight years have just been hitting me more recently, and I just don't know who to talk to anymore because I'm afraid to come out with it all to some hotline or family member. I've also been having these questions on my mind about my many childhood abusers.
"What did I do to make it me?" " What could I have done to stop it?" " Why did it happen so often?"

Hello BerryBoy: I'm sorry you are struggling with these questions. These are the types of questions people sometimes seek therapy for. Continuing to write about them here on PC or in other places, such as in a journal, may help too. Sometimes there simply is no answer to them... at least not one we can get at. And unfortunately, as you're probably already painfully well aware, when these kinds of questions continue to rumble around in your head they can eat you alive from within. So I hope that, in some way, you can find a way of laying them to rest once & for all. I wish you well...

Repressing is your mind's way of protecting yourself, so try not to give yourself a hard time about it. And to answer your questions:
1 You didn't do anything to make the abuse happen
2 You did what you did to survive
3 I'm sorry it happened so often. You are not to blame for any of it.

I hope you can find the support you need, and that this forum is a help for you.

Kind regards