[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I know I can't change my mother for what she does or for what she says. When she says hurtful things to me though, it truly does hurt. "You're so sensitive!" "You're a drama queen!" Yelling on top of her lungs and asking, "What do you want now?!" Anytime I try to talk to her, it's as if she can't stand to be in my sight and constantly tells me that she doesn't want to talk. She never was emotionally supportive of me. There's only a few occasions where my mother and I get along. The minute I stand up for myself or say anything she gets so angry or threatens me, "If you don't stop, I won't do this for you!" She'll say anything to shut me up or sweep it under the rug.

Feel as if I can't go to her about anything. The minute I do, she yells, complains, tells me everything that she does for me, complains about me, says how messed up all her children are or avoids me and won't even acknowledge that I'm there. If I try to talk to her, she talks right over me and I was in the middle of speaking. By the end of her talking, I completely forget what I was going to say. My mother always has to have the last word. Lately I've been noticing how her favorite is my younger brother and sometimes she'll say, "How come you can't be more like him?"

Sometimes I have to isolate myself away from her because the minute I'm around her, she'll yell, complain how I'm nagging her, ignore when I'm talking or say very hurtful things, "Oh you have it so hard don't you?" After she said that, I stopped her- "Nope, I didn't say that. You're putting words into my mouth and I don't appreciate it one bit. So please stop. I don't want to fight with you today." She ignores what I say, never apologizes to me or again tells me that I'm making a big deal over nothing when I'm not.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember. When I got sick and I had stage 3 Cancer on my cervix which was stopped, I kept insisting I knew something was wrong with me and she told me, "You're only looking for attention." Anytime I have a health problem, she blows up and acts as if it's the end of the world. She can't handle anything at all and constantly always blows up on me. Feel as if I'm her punching bag or something and for so long I can remember crying in my room. Once I wanted her to comfort me and she ended up leaving the room and in the past she yelled at me, "WTF are you crying for?!!!" I told her by yelling at me, isn't exactly helping the situation. Now I feel like I can't stand up for myself because anytime I do she blows up and yells at me or says "I'm messed up."

I'm not being over dramatic and I know it. This isn't how a mother should treat her daughter. Now I always rely on myself because my mother was hardly ever there for me. She says she was there for me, but she honestly wasn't. When I truly needed her she was never there. I constantly felt alone and abandoned by her. Of course I can never tell her this because if I did, again she'd yell at me or say "You're such a f- drama queen!" Sometimes I actually hear her inside my head and I know all the phrases and things that she'd said to me from a few years back. Even from my early 20's. That's how much damage she has caused me. I love her..... but at the same time I think it's better for me to hardly ever talk to her because I hate the way she treats me....

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

Sometimes I have to isolate myself away from her because the minute I'm around her, she'll yell, complain how I'm nagging her, ignore when I'm talking or say very hurtful things, "Oh you have it so hard don't you?" After she said that, I stopped her- "Nope, I didn't say that. You're putting words into my mouth and I don't appreciate it one bit. So please stop. I don't want to fight with you today." She ignores what I say, never apologizes to me or again tells me that I'm making a big deal over nothing when I'm not.

I'm not being over dramatic and I know it. This isn't how a mother should treat her daughter. Now I always rely on myself because my mother was hardly ever there for me. She says she was there for me, but she honestly wasn't. When I truly needed her she was never there. I constantly felt alone and abandoned by her. Of course I can never tell her this because if I did, again she'd yell at me or say "You're such a f- drama queen!" Sometimes I actually hear her inside my head and I know all the phrases and things that she'd said to me from a few years back. Even from my early 20's. That's how much damage she has caused me. I love her..... but at the same time I think it's better for me to hardly ever talk to her because I hate the way she treats me....

I am so sorry it was like this for you.

It does seem like you have figured a lot out though. All you can do is what you have been doing--stand up for yourself and limit your time with her.

[nicoleflynn]

She is very angry (her own issues) and takes it out on you. My mother did the same thing. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

[DodgersMom]

i can relate, i am in therapy now because of my childhood emotional abuse from mom, especially because i live with her still.

hugs to you

[Ripdlc]

My heart breaks for you, love! I understand completely! Growing up my dad was my EVERYTHING, without him I couldn't have gotten through my childhood. (Sadly he passed when I was a teenager) my mom was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive until I was 14. When I was 14 she tried to hit me in the face and I slammed my fist through the wall right by her head and said, "Today is the last day you ever put your hand on me." She never tried to physically abuse me after that. But, she kicked up her mental & emotional abuse double time. My brother died when I was 14 too. I was depressed, confused, overwhelmed, etc. She walked in my bedroom and saw me cutting (self harm) laughs and says, ""Your crazy, I'm going to get you locked up in the looney bin..hahaha". When I told her I was raped multiple times..it was my fault because my jeans were too tight. I have discussed all of this with her throughout the years and she's apologized but it's still very hard.
I have kids of my own and I made a vow that I would never make them feel the way she made me feel. I wish I could give you better advice. The only thing I can say is that back then I blamed myself. I thought there must be something I'm doing wrong, why can't she love me? It's not you. It's not me. It's them. There is a song by a group called Halestorm that I'm adding below..this is what ever daughter needs to hear. I hope it helps some. Take care, love. You are worthy! And you do matter!

Dear Daughter
Hold your head up high
There's a world outside
That's passing by
Dear Daughter
Never lose yourself
Remember that
You're like nobody else

Life throws you in
To the unknown
And you feel like you're
Out there all alone

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
For you

Dear Daughter
Don't worry about those stupid girls
If they try to bring you down
It's cause they're scared and insecure
Dear Daughter
Don't change for any man
Even if he promises the stars
And takes you by the hand

Life throws you in
To the unknown
And you feel like you're
Out there all alone

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
For you

Dear daughter
I was just like you
And just like me
You're gonna make it through

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
And after all I will be right here
For you