[Tongalee]

I'm really struggling right now. I've been having these thoughts recently that maybe I'm not telling my therapist the truth, maybe I'm not telling myself the truth! Maybe I've lied this entire time about what happened in my past and the things that I went through. Maybe I've ruminated on this so much that I've entangled myself in my own fantasy created for nothing more than to suit my need for... I don't know manipulation? Maybe I'm an extremely unwell person with more mental health problems than can be helped with and I made all of this up for attention!! I would hate myself if I lied to my therapist! She's done so much for me! What if I'm lying to her and she's offering me so much and I'm just a terrible f***ing person who took advantage of her kindness. OMG.

[ACrystalGem]

Quick response: The fear of having made things up is probably something your therapist would be okay in talking with you about.

Longer response: this fear is also something I've read about many survivors of abuse having. It's been 20+ years since I ran away from my abusive family, and I still sometimes wonder if I over-exaggerated or made things up. And when I do that, memories, flashbacks & nightmares go into overdrive - not even about the acts of abuse, but of other things. How I was always vigilant about the light under my door being broken, cos that would mean someone was coming to my room. How I always felt uneasy (read - my skin would crawl) being on my own around a family member, even though I loved them.

I hope you come to a sense of acceptance about this. It was easier to think myself as a 'loony' than to admit what happened, but until I could accept it, I couldn't live my life. I hope this helped.