[MtnTime2896]

We had a conversation. I conversation about cars and bug extermination, but a conversation none the less.

After all of the hell, he's still my dad. I still love him. I can't help that. Yes, he still scares me. Yes, I'm always on pins and needles because he can have an explosive episode at any moment, but... he's still my dad.

Am I a fool for still wanting him in my life? Am I an idiot for still needing his approval?

For ****s sake, he's my father. Maybe it's time I forgive him. I don't know.

I'm just worried because the last time I was like this -- ready to forgive -- I was immediately let down when he went back to his old ways. Ways that I doubt he's put away for good. Yes, I still want his approval. Yes, I still want to make him proud. Yes, I still want to have my father in my life. Even after all that's happened...

I just want my dad.

Am I an idiot? Should I trust this?

[Travelinglady]

I understand. My mother is a narcissist. I choose to not live near her, but I keep in limited contact.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hope you don't take offense,but I used to think that too;
then I discovered it was DEPENDENCY,which can pose as
love.
Courage To You,
BLUEDOVE

[IrisBloom]

I had much the same experience with my dad. I decided one day to do my daughterly duty, because I loved him. I did not love the way he treated me and continually put me down, but he was the only dad I had and I did not want to wait too late to at least make it right to myself. Your first priority is to protect yourself from abuse and pain, but sometimes putting up with the aging parent is worth it in the end. My dad passed away in Dec. and I feel myself healing from all the bad things. I do not advise anyone to do as I did, rather, I advise you to do what feels right to you.

[Bill3]

[Bill3]

How are you feeling about this today?

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How are you feeling about this today?

I have no time to consider it, at the moment. My mind is deteriorating back to barely hanging onto sanity. I don't know if it's the stress or my medication being lowered (by myself). It's probably both.

These are moments when having my dad would be great, but I can't trust him to help me through this. Whenever I go to him about this stuff, he evades and/or gets angry. I don't know...

Nothing can help me.

[Bill3]

I can't trust him to help me through this. Whenever I go to him about this stuff, he evades and/or gets angry.

It sounds like he isn't yet able or ready to help you get through this.

Nothing can help me.

Keep on posting here!

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like he isn't yet able or ready to help you get through this.

Keep on posting here!

Thanks, Bill. I'll do that. I appreciate you being here.

[Bill3]

.

[nicoleflynn]

It might help you to the read the book: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; it saved my life. xp

[Fuzzybear]

[Bill3]

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Not good but I'm here.

Thanks for checking in.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Am I a fool for still wanting him in my life? Am I an idiot for still needing his approval? ...

I just want my dad.

Am I an idiot? Should I trust this?

You are not a fool, you are a human. You are not an idiot, you are a human.

No you should not trust this. He has not changed. He has not reformed.



This is so hard for you. I am sorry.

[Bill3]

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