I wonder whether it's worth all the pain going through therapy. i've wanted this for so long.

why can't i just forget the past and get on with my life instead of letting my abuser and my mother and father ruin everything. i wish i was stronger, i try, really i try. i have no energy left. i just want peace of mind and to e happy and bubbly and 'normal' whatever that is. sorry to be so depressing.

jin

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))))

[recluse1]

(((((((jinn-jinn)))))))) you are moving in the right direction love. therapy does bring up so many things we thought we had left behind but its the only way we can work thru things. you'll never forget but it is possible to take the power back from our abusers and empower ourselves. sending you much love and extra hugs.

your friend,
recluse1

i wish i could just hug you right now. i hope you are ok too. i haven't been around much, how is your mum?

love, jin xoxoxoxoxo

[pachyderm]

> why can't i just forget the past...

It's in there like an impacted tooth.

[Fuzzybear]

Sad but true! ( )

[mtd]

jin,

I believe our past is hard to just forget because abuse taught us things, bad things -- wrong things -- about ourselves. It teaches us that we feel safer alone, when what we need and deserve are loving connections to others. Abuse teaches us that we don't get to have our bodies and spirits respected, when what we need is to be respected and nurtured. And for many of us, we learned not to trust our own judgment about others.

Now, in recovery, we must teach ourselves new things. We must teach ourselves that we are worthy of love from others and ourselves. We must teach ourselves that we are o.k. and deserving of the best of life because of our inherent worth as humans. And we must come to believe that now, with years and experience behind us, we are better able to protect ourselves and make safe judgments about others.

I know this is hard, but you are worth the effort. For me, the process of teaching myself new things began by deliberately taking better care of myself -- mind, body and spirit -- EVERY hour of the day. In time, I could come to believe that I deserved to take good care of myself.

And, I believe that therapy helps with this process. It is painful, to be sure, but we need to grieve over what has been lost and endured. And we deserve to grieve. In my experience, the most peaceful moment of my life came when I finally was no longer too afraid to cry. The tears wouldn't stop, and I was so relieved finally not to be ashamed of how I felt and not afraid to let others see it.

I wish you well on your journey to a more peaceful life. We are here for you.

mtd

((((((((((MTD))))))))))))))))

thankyou so much for your words, very wise and very true indeed. My pdoc said the same about learning to love myself today!!!

i'm trying, honestly, it's so hard but i am trying, i'm also trying to set some boundaries to my mother and others in my life without feeling guilty, hugs to you, thankyou again, love, jinny xoxoxoxo