Writing A Letter To An Abuser

I have been working on a letter to one of my childhood sexual abusers.I have been doing it in short increments so that I don't get caught up in all the emotions that go along with it.When I eventually get this finished I am seriously considering mailing it.

I have tried talking to this person about it quite a few times in the past but it didn't go well at all because I was told it was my own fault,I was a willing participant and I liked it.

In the letter,I am telling the person exactly what they did to me,how it made me feel,how it has impacted my life,but mostly how they are SO wrong in blaming me,how I was just a little girl,how it started happening at such a young age(as a toddler) and continued for so many years that it became my normal,that I was so conditioned to do those things that it became automatic,etc.

I don't expect or even want any kind of response from the person.I just want to say what I want and need to say after holding it all in my entire life.

Have any of you done that,have you written a letter to one of your abusers?Was it cathartic?

Argh.Re-thinking the letter idea now.

I'm not really sure what it is I want.Maybe for the person to feel shame and guilt?Am I really writing it just to get it out of my system?

And believe it or not I was actually thinking about what if the letter hurts the person?What if they read it then committed suicide?

Why do I even care how they feel?SO frustrated with myself right now!

Writing a letter is more about "you" and "your healing". The individual that abused you may just continue to deny and blame as it's their way of dealing and often people can be like that their entire life.

I think it's very healthy to write a letter to your abuser, because the letter is an outlet for you to vent all of your feelings about how being abused has impacted your life and made you feel. And you don't even need to send the letter.

I think staying away is the most best way to deal with this. Is there a danger? It mostly is something that will leave you unsafe except in extreme reasoning....

writing the letter can help you get all that crap out of your head. You don't have to send it.

Exactly. I do it a lot when memories of my dad's emotional abuse pop up. Then, I'll sit down and type out a really long response to how I feel about how his emotional abuse made me feel, how it's impacted my life now as an adult and although that doesn't mean that I forgive him, it helps me process the memory a lot quicker than just perseverating on it (dwelling).

That is called a letter of restorative justice....restorative justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. The letter is for YOU...I did it and yes it was cathartic. I think it is a way to take your power back, speak up for the child you were, when you had no voice.Confronting an abuser in person rarely works; they deny it. You can send the letter or keep it.