[Xantippe]

TW for abuse, self harm, suicide.

First post here, feel free to move to a more appropriate forum as this kind of talks about many of our issues.
If theres a "**** this ****** psychiatric industry" forum, that would be appropriate.

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For the past month and a half, I have been trying to leave my abusive home. My C-PTSD symptoms get worse every day, and the host personality is desperate to kill himself.

I've called multiple shelters constantly over the past month and they never have beds. They tell me to call tomorrow. They put me on hold for hours. Make me play phone tag.

The shelter specifically for people who live in abusive households seems to not take me seriously as soon as I say it's not physically abusive anymore. As if we aren't terrified that he'll hurt us again out of nowhere. As if I didnt live 12 years of my life being beaten and choked.

Id sleep outside but unfortunately we live in a prissy middle class area where parks have curfews and annoying parents call the cops on people sleeping on benches (has happened before to one of us).

Im getting ****ing frustrated. Im sick of this.
Im considering going to the hospital. But we have tried this already. We "werent a priority". Host attempted suicide because of father's disgusting treatment of him and he "wasnt a priority"? He was sent home the next evening. To a family that didnt ask him where he was, what happened, or if he was okay.

What do I have to do for people to take us seriously? How do I get people to believe that our trauma is still affecting us, and that we cannot live here with the people who ruined our ****ing lives any longer? Do I have to slice an artery? Cut into muscle? Make myself partially brain dead? Write a ****ing manifesto?

It's getting harder to control my violent impulses. It's getting harder to prevent the host from trying to kill himself again.

[pegasus]

I'm so sorry things are so bad for you. The fact that you want to commit suicide means you need to be in hospital as soon as possible. You deserve support and treatment and you need to get away from the abuse. Please get help now!