Emotionally abused by my son

I have a 9 year old son with disabilities (not related to intelligence). He’s extremely verbally abusive. He consistently tells me he’s going to kill me, tells me to go die. He screams and swears at myself, my husband, our other two children. He’s so physical that I cannot leave him alone in the same room as his 3 year old brother because the second I do, his little brother has been assaulted. If he’s not threatening to hurt us, he’s physically hitting himself or saying he’s going to kill himself.... I feel like I’m being held hostage. I know what you’re thinking, he’s 9. Be the parent, and we are but it’s so much more complicated than that because of his disabilities. Literally everything is a fight, to get up, to get dressed, to eat, to clean up after himself, to get his backpack ready, to put on his shoes..... every morning, it’s the same. We fight, he screams and yells. I get frustrated because I have 5 mins to get him out of the house and on the bus to go to school. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on therapies and behavioural specialist, we’ve seen psychologists and psychiatrists etc.
I’m so absolutely exhausted, we tried so many different kinds of behaviours modifications. If this was a marriage, I would have left and asked for a divorce. It’s slowly eating away at me, I just can’t do this anymore.

Can your Child Services department help?

Hi,
We’ve had just about every agency that’s available in our community to “help”. Most just refer us to the next agency because they say he doesn’t qualify for their services. We’re now working with a resource centre that’s in another city. So we drive an hour for all his appointments. I’m not sure where you are but for us, that’s fairly far. Our community is small compared to most cities (15 min drive tops from one end of the city to the other side).

That sucks. Around here, such a thing as "weekend fostering" exists. It basically means that for one or two weekends a month (or however many you arrange - probably not every weekend, though), your son would go to a foster family, to give you some breathing space. I thought something like that might be available to you. But if no one has mentioned it to you, it probably either doesn't exist in Canada or it doesn't apply to you and your son.