My husband hit me

My advice is to speak to a lawyer to know what your rights are and to protect yourself financially. I would be very surprised if your husband can actually prevent you from getting a divorce.

What sort (if any) of mental health treatment is your husband getting?

Sadly this is a pattern of an abuser...abuse and then apologies. Please call the domestic violence hotline; I stayed for 31 years with an abuser, and then found the book that saved my life; The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.....He will not stop (unless he gets into therapy), and most abusers don't think they have a problem. Women are murdered every day by a partner/husband. You will have to (as hard as it is) stand up for yourself and make plans to leave. Yes you will be destined for a lifetime of violence, unless you leave. xoxo...You cannot help him...

I'm lying here feeling utterly and completely useless and I'm so confused on what to do.
I married my husband a few months ago. Everything was fine, other than the normal couple arguments over stupid things.
Honestly, it's been such a good relationship up until this. Sometimes my partner gets moody, but I am a hard person to live with as I can be quite demanding.
That's a quick overview of how our relationship has been.
Very normal!
Anyways, a week before we got married my husband to be got mad and pushed me when he was drunk. After he apologized profusely and said he was just drunk and wouldn't do it. I was able to look past it because of the dreams we had built together and the future he had promised me. I said if he ever, EVER did it again or layed a finger on me, I would be gone!
A few weeks after we got married (recently) he got drunk and got mad at me out of the blue and I said I was leaving to defuse the situation and
I was so shocked that I had a panic attack. I ran out and said I was calling the police. I didn't. I called my friend instead. A few hours later I went back to him and he was asleep so I slept in the spare room with the door locked and decided to talk in the morning. I was so hell bent on leaving.
In the morning I woke up early and packed all of my things and was at the door. He then woke up, walked up to me and said 'give me one last hug before you leave' to which I replied no as I didn't think he deserved that right. He then proceeded to cry. He didn't beg me to stay. But he said he didn't know what he was going to do with his life now that I was leaving as all his dreams and hopes, had me as part of them.
Then he got a call to say his friend had died, I checked social media and yes it was true his friend had died. So I stayed because he was in shock and in deep fried for many days. I told myself I would leave when he was past the deep grief stage, but I didn't end up leaving.
I'm so so confused. I said to him on the morning I tried to leave that he needs to get help. He hasn't mentioned anything and of I try to talk about it he says oh here we go again..
Am I destined for a lifetime of domestic violence????

I watch domestic violence documentaries that end with the victim being murdered by her abuser. The situation is always the same, that is, the victim forgives the first incident of abuse and goes back to the abuser. This spirals into more abuse and finally the victim gets killed. My father was an abuser too. He stopped hitting us -my brother and me when my brother started fighting back and scaring him. Until then, my father cracked my brother's skull also punctured my eardrums and hit my brother and me with anything he could get his hands on- broomsticks, wire fly swatters, drinking glasses, etc. He was a sick man. He never hit my mother though so she tolerated his abuse on us. She was an enabler of his abuse. My brother got stitches for his cracked skull. The worst outcome was that my brother and I have severe mental disorders now. I believe it was from all of the abuse from my father and mother. Hence, even though you may not get killed in the end, the harm that will be done to you after years of abuse will take a toll on your health.

Another update.
Ok so Christmas and New year were ok! I was surrounded by family and I worked a lot to keep my mind busy!
It's not been easy but one step at a time. If anyone has any advice on how to keep busy. I have two weeks off work right now as my work close the first two weeks in January, so I feel like I'm sitting around stewing over everything. Not a good time to have time off!
He is still contacting me anyway he can and when we do speak it's like nothing has happened. Which freaks me out. For example, I will say "stop contacting me it's over" and he's like "so I was thinking we could do this next year or go here" or "when you come back we can do this or that" and it's the biggest head screw up behaviour. Because it's complete denial from him, but also playing a game at the same time. He sent me a video on new year of him and his family wishing me a happy new year and they were all cheering my name and waving at me on this video and it was like something out of a horror film. I was like what is this all about? Such denial and weird weird weird behaviour from all of them! Thoughts on this please?

Anyways, a week before we got married my husband to be got mad and pushed me when he was drunk.

This reminds me of Leslie Morgan Steiner's story (Crazy Love).



This right here is what is the most telling to me. If he's saying "here we go again" after PUNCHING YOU, he is belittling your healthy response to an incredibly unhealthy behaviour. He is not accepting responsibility. He is not fixing anything.

This, above everything else you've written, is the biggest indicator to me that he has no intentions of stopping. It's going to escalate.

I would get out now. Find somewhere he can't find you. Ignore his crying. The man PUNCHED you.

Please stay safe.

You know, I watched her ted talks seminar a few months back and I thought to myself "that isn't me". But I've just watched it again and im like "yea, that's me". I was so detached from my own life, I didn't even realise!

So was she. In her book she writes that in the thick of the abuse, if you had asked her if she was a battered woman, she would have said no.

I do, as you've guessed, speak from experience. My ex-husband also cried afterward, every time he abused me. If I didn't take him back and stop talking about it, then, I was the one portrayed as unfeeling and selfish. Family, friends, and even the police would point out how obviously sorry he is, because look, he's crying. Manipulation, pure and simple.

Another thing he tried was to "admit" he had a problem and needed help. Then he'd call and make an intake appointment at the mental health clinic, to show me that he was getting the help he needed. Then I would come home, and he wouldn't see any reason to keep that appointment. Mission accomplished; I'm home. He's made his repairs and has his wife back. Now he can carry on as usual.

Something else to look for will be the counter-accusations. He'll claim to you and to the world that you're the one abusing him. Any mistake you've ever made in your life will be held against you, and since we all make mistakes, he *will* find something to hold against you. He'll make you out to be a monster. He'll even accuse you of his own shortcomings; for example, if he's irresponsible with money, then the first time you buy some frill that isn't a complete necessity, he'll yell at you for being so irresponsible with money.

Believe me, they'll stop at nothing to get us to let them continue their behavior.